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How to survive planning a wedding

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I’m not a girly girl. I don’t handle heels well. I feel like a clown when I wear too much make-up. Painting my nails is an arduous procedure, involving an unsteady hand and plenty of acetone.  I don’t actually know how much I weigh – I don’t even own a scale.

I am not the girl who planned her wedding throughout childhood, adolescence and early adulthood until she finally had a ring on her finger.

When I got engaged, I had no clue where to start.

So many brides speak about how fun it was to plan the wedding. The truth is: I hated it. For the better part of a year, I felt completely out of my depth, unsure of myself, anxious about things I didn’t really care about.

I changed the colour scheme several times. It took months to settle on the style of the bridesmaids’ dresses (primarily because I gave the bridesmaids too much say – a rookie mistake resulting in complete anarchy). By the time my own dress was made, I didn’t know if I even liked it.

Looking back, I know I could have handled the process so much better. Here are a few things I learnt:

1. Be a bridezilla. When you’re planning a wedding, people joke about Bridezilla all the time. Ignore them. I spent so much energy trying not to be her that I turned into a people pleaser.

Remember that this is your wedding. There’s nothing wrong with being firm about what you want (in as friendly a way as possible, of course).

2. Make sure your bridesmaids know what is expected of them. It’s surprising how many people don’t know what a bridesmaid’s duties actually are.

Some people think it’s simply turning up in a pretty dress on the day. Be clear about what you want and don’t want, and don’t feel bad if a bridesmaid needs a little discipline direction (see Point 1).

3. Know that there are no wrong decisions. There are so many options for every part of a wedding, it’s easy to be overwhelmed – especially if you haven’t been planning your wedding your whole life. 

Pick something you like and stick to it. Easy peasy.

4. Understand that weddings are a family affair. I strongly believe that a couple should have the wedding they want because, well, it is their wedding. That said, families get excited. Families want to be involved. Find ways to involve them.

After all, isn’t a bit of family frustration better than having a family who couldn’t care less? (My grandmother missed my mother’s wedding because she had a standing hair appointment. Really.)

5. Remember why you’re actually doing this. On my wedding day, I didn’t care that my dress didn’t turn out the way I wanted; that the officiant didn’t read the vows we’d chosen; that the DJ didn’t play all the music we’d selected; that I had a crick in my neck from the weight of my hairdo.

I didn’t even care that my new husband messed red wine down the front of my dress at the end of the evening … Because I was finally married to my favourite, favourite person.

What advice would you give to brides who are currently planning their own wedding? Share your tips and stories below.

This post originally appeared on Kelly's blog, where you can find more of her posts.

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