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What is it about weddings that can bring out the worst behaviour in people? If it’s not the family of the bridal couple, then it’s either the bridesmaids or the bride herself that’s causing the drama.
This time around, it’s a bride-to-be whose letter to a bridesmaid went viral for all the wrong reasons.
According to HuffPost, a bride named Alex recently sent a very patronising email to her bridesmaid Courtney, asking her to step down from her duties, implying that she was allowing her studies to interfere with them.
The email, which you can read in full on HuffPost, is as condescending as you can probably imagine it to be and goes on to berate Courtney for not being part of every minute detail of her wedding event (I mean the fact that she even uses the word event points to a larger problem).
In her email she even goes on to add that Courtney should take the time to prioritise her studies instead and come to the wedding as a guest – almost as if Courtney should have dropped everything and considered the wedding the most important thing first and foremost.
Not only that, but Alex also had the audacity to ask Courtney to send the jumpsuit she was supposed to wear to the wedding back to her via post (a jumpsuit Courtney paid for by the way). Granted, she offered to pay for the jumpsuit and its postage as well, but still.
Needless to say when Courtney shared the letter on social media, it quickly went viral, especially after she tweeted the airlines she used to book her plane ticket to fly out to the wedding, in order to try and get a refund.
From what it sounds like Alex’s expectations of Courtney’s duties were overdrawn but what happens when someone in your bridal party isn’t pulling their weight? Surely you reserve the right to do something when absolutely nothing is being done from their side?
Of course, letting someone go could ruin your relationship with them, but you don’t get married every day, so we’ve rounded up a few ways for you to deal with this tricky problem:
1. Try to approach the topic in the way that makes it about them.
Ask them if they’re okay and find out if they are going through something difficult.
This is a great way of finding out whether or not you actually have cause for concern (you don’t want to just fire someone from your bridal party immediately) and will give the person an opportunity to redeem him/herself.
2. Set (new) deadlines
Start out by setting deadlines for when you want things done.
This doesn’t mean you’re intractable about it, but it gives you and everyone else a good indication and timeline of what needs to happen and by when.
If you’re planning on giving the offending person a chance to up his or her wedding game, this could help both of you in the long run.
READ MORE: Stop telling brides-to-be that they need to lose weight for their wedding
3. Give the person an out
Sometimes people discover that being part of a wedding planning party is a lot more than they’ve actually bargained for.
And sometimes people say yes without really wanting to do it. Many are quick to show (whether it’s through obvious signs of distress or subtle body language signals) that they’re not happy, others do so by passive aggressively doing nothing to help.
If this is the case, the biggest kindness you can do is by giving the person an opening and asking whether or not he or she still wants to be part of the wedding.
4. If all else fails...
It’s time for the no-holds barred truth. If you fail to get your bridal party members to help, and you’re running out of time, then you’ll have to be upfront and let that person know that you can no longer rely on him or her to get things done.
Offbeatbride.com has some great suggestions on how to do this in a way that’s positive without being demeaning, and which will help you to stay on good terms with the person in question.
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