So, your partner just popped the question and when they present the ring it takes an Olympic performance of facial gymnastics to keep the ecstatic smile on your face?

What happens if you think the ring is hideous?

How on earth will you bring yourself to wear it, or heaven forbid, Instagram and post it to every social media network for all the world to see?

Not liking your engagement ring is something I’m sure many brides-to-be don’t talk about, because they’re scared to offend their partner and are worried that it might cause a breakdown in the relationship.

Or it could be that they simply don’t want to be seen as being a picky and ungrateful.

It’s a tough situation to be in. And unless you and your partner have done some ring shopping together, there’s no guarantee that you’ll love your wedding ring.

All relationships should be based on complete honesty – especially if you’re taking the step from being in a committed relationship to marriage – but how you deal with telling your partner that the ring is not exactly what you imagined doesn’t have to be a brutal showdown resulting in ruffled feathers and hurt feelings.

So what do you do then?

First things first: don’t feel bad for not liking the ring (easier said than done, we know)

Here’s the thing: hating the ring does not mean that you don’t appreciate your partner’s efforts. Nor does it mean that your partner is clueless about your likes and dislikes.

Every relationship has its hit and miss moments and sometimes those include you or your partner doing or choosing items the other won’t necessarily always like.

Whatever you do, do not ruin the proposal by stating from the outset that you hate the ring, because that will make you look like a jerk.  

Instead, do as Women’s Health Magazine suggests: first take a few days to see if you don’t get used to the ring.

Any knee-jerk reactions might come back to bite you in the butt, so taking a few days to weather your disappointment will give you the chance decide whether you really hate it that much.

READ MORE: I said yes, now what? The rules for announcing your engagement

Try to get a different perspective

According to, a good way to get some grounding on this issue is to ask about the story behind the ring.

If the engagement took some elaborate and romantic planning, chances are that there might also be a great story behind why they chose the style they did and that could make you see the engagement ring in a whole new light.  So decide what it is you value the most – what the ring looks like or the story behind it.

Oh, and as one reader on the Huffington Post says, you don’t actually have to wear your engagement ring when you’re married. You can choose to wear it with your wedding band, but there is no rule that says you have to continue wearing it once you’re married.

Separate what you like and loathe about the ring

If after wearing  the ring for a while you still feel like it’s not something that really reflects you, do yourself a favour before you talk to your partner: make a list of the things you like and dislike about the ring.

The conversation with your partner will go a long way into soothing your partner’s feelings by not giving him a blow-by-blow account about everything that you hate about the ring.

So mention the fact that perhaps the colour is not really you, or the shape of diamond is not something you’re keen on. Just don’t complain about the size of the diamond – your worth isn’t tied to it – and that’s not why you’re marrying them anyway.

Express your appreciation for their efforts so that they know the effort they went through wasn’t entirely wasted.

Customise or modify

Once you’ve had the tricky conversation with your partner, you could perhaps look into ways of customising or modifying it. Consider having it engraved with something meaningful to you both or change the colour of your diamond.

While it is your prerogative to swap rings, making adjustments would be a better option in terms of compromising and sparing your partner’s feelings (unless they don’t mind getting you a new ring of course).

Discuss ways in which you can upgrade it and make it a trip that involves both of you – that way you get what you want while cementing your start as a couple embarking on the wedding planning process.

In the grand scheme of life, you will probably love, like, and loathe many other gifts your partner will give you.  The trick is deciding when and how to pick your battles and deciding which potential arguments are worth it.

Do engagement ring problems fall in line with things worth taking issue over? Only you can decide that.

Ever been in this situation before? How did you tell with it? Share your stories with us.

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