I CAN’T REVEAL MY STATUS
Question
I’m 22 years old and recently discovered I’m HIV-positive. I found this out because my six-month-old baby girl died last month.
This has been a very hard time for me and now I must tell my baby’s father about my status. I’m scared because I don’t want to lose him as well. Please tell me what you think I should do.
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Answer
Condolences for your loss. The first thing that should happen is for you to deal with the loss of your baby. You might find it useful to go for counselling to help you through the healing process. The issue of your status is something both you and your partner should address as soon as possible.
It’s an urgent matter as he also needs to be tested to find out his status so you can both take the necessary precautions.
Being HIV-positive isn’t the end of the world. If your partner really loves you then he’ll support you and walk this journey with you.
Talk to him, and maybe visit your nearest voluntary counselling and testing center together as well.
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I’M TOO OLD FOR HIM
Question
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for five years and we’re good together. He’s eight years younger than me – I only found out about his age when I saw his ID after we started dating. Luckily his parents accept me as if we were the same age.
The problem is I have two children and he has none. He’s very accepting of my kids, but I’m worried that he wants kids of his own.
I’m 44 and can’t have a child with him so should I leave him so he can be with a person of his age? I love him and don’t want to end the relationship but I’m not sure what to do.
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Answer
It sounds like neither of you knew about each other’s age until you saw his ID, but I’m not sure if he’s now aware of how old you are. If he isn’t, then you need to sit down and talk about the age difference and how it might affect your relationship in the long run.
Remember that age isn’t necessarily a determining factor in a relationship, and eight years isn’t really such a massive age gap. But it sounds as if your main concern is that you’re reluctant to have another child at your age.
Having a child at 44 isn’t impossible, so perhaps you need to think about things more thoroughly and consult a doctor about any possible complications.
You can make an informed decision once you have all the medical facts. It really doesn’t make sense to leave a person you love without exploring all the possibilities.
You both need to address this age issue and be honest with each other. Are you sure he really wants children of his own? Maybe he’ll be happy just being the stepfather of yours. His reaction to your discussion will guide your way forward.
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TOO GORGEOUS FOR THE GIRLS
Question
I’m a 25-year-old guy and I’m struggling to have a good relationship. I think this is because of my looks.
It might sound strange, but I’m good-looking so just about every woman I meet tells me I’m a player and they stay away from me.
I think this is unfair – some don’t even give me a chance to get to know them. Please can you tell me how I’m supposed to find a good woman?
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Answer
What you’re experiencing is stigma that’s brought on by society’s beliefs. And you’re right – people often believe a man who is handsome is also a player.
This is because they think if a guy is good-looking then all the girls want a part of him. And if that happens then chances are that he’ll find the temptation to respond to all these women too hard to resist.
The end result is he ends up playing the field and having multiple girlfriends. But of course this isn’t always true.
If you want a relationship to work you’ll need to do your best to prove them wrong. Try pursuing the girl you’re interested in and, if she wants to start a relationship with you, love her in a way that will show her you don’t have playboy tendencies.
How you conduct yourself is the only way you can show what you’re really about. Admittedly you have your work cut out for you.
Societal beliefs and stigmas can be very hard to shake off – from what you say even you seem to believe it’s true!
So be brave, find the right girl and give it a go. It’s up to you to not live up to the stereotype. Good luck!
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