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But during the festive season it’s two dragons away from being an episode of Game of Thrones.
I have major anger issues when it comes to shopping.
Nothing tests my patience quite like a trip to a shopping mall.
There are certain things that trigger my Blanka rage in a heartbeat, and I’ve decided to share them with you today.
1. Wailing kids
Look, I completely understand that moms also deserve to go shopping.
I understand that you want to bring your kid with you, or that you probably don’t have anyone to take care of them while you go to the mall.
But please don’t allow your kid to shriek like that.
Image: Pandawhale.com
P.S. I was raised by a kwaai Afrikaans mom. It only took one look and a “Wag tot ons by die huis aankom” for me to shut my mouth.
2. Neck breathers
Oh, I’m sorry. Did you lose something in my neck? Is that why you’re standing so close to me in the queue?
Here’s the rule: If you can count the hair follicles of the person in front of you, YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE.
Image: giphy.com
3. Bad drivers
If this is how you steer your trolley, I don’t want to know how you drive.
P.S. You owe me new toes, dick.
Image: Tumblr
4. BBM-ers
What could possibly be so important that you HAVE to BBM someone while there’s a stream of people behind you?
I will only forgive you for keeping everyone up with your incessant BBM-ing if you’re talking about upgrading your kak phone.
Other than that, please pack away your phone, raise your head AND WALK.
5. Zombies
You don’t have to fear the zombie apocalypse, because it’s already happened.
You’ll find zombies at your nearest shopping mall, walking at a snail’s pace, dragging their feet.
These zombies are usually wearing flip flops and they absolutely love to drag their heels to make a "sliff, sloff, sliff, sloff" sound.
How do you deal with them? A good klap behind the head ought to do the trick.
6. The self-important ones
Don’t you just love when self-important shits go to malls just to shout at shop assistants?
No matter what a shop assistant does to you, it’s never okay to shout at them. Especially not during the festive season when they work until 9pm.
7. Bathroom queues
I already hate going to public bathrooms, so you can imagine how it works on my nerves when the queue at the bathroom is longer than Jessica Simpson’s pregnancies.
Add a warm toilet seat to that, and it’s game over for me.
Image: reactiongifs.com
8. Obey Your Body and Dead Sea promoters
Ja, I actually hate them the whole year, not only during the festive season.
"Can we show you our – "
Image: divorcedmoms.com
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