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Being agreeable is a social conditioning that is imposed on many of us, but often the pressure is put more so on women. Social norms often expect women to always be likeable, 'nice', soft … agreeable. Smile.
While this might not seem like a serious issue to some, this pressure of always being agreeable can have dire consequences for women.
For the sake of pleasing society or succumbing to social pressures women sometimes pass up employment, study and opportunities, promotions at work, building financial stability, and other times sometimes risk their physical safety.
Recently I came across a woman who committed herself to financial agreement of at least 10 years, only because she didn’t have the heart to reject the offer. This reminded me of so many occasions I had agreed to certain things because I didn’t want to offend or ‘let someone down’.
There are many women like this that I know, including myself sometimes, who forgo their comfort just to accommodate other people at the expense of themselves. But why continue?
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In this interview with Bustle, therapist Amy Deacon says that "for centuries, women have been depicted as nurturers. Therefore, saying no, having boundaries and being assertive often results in our feeling guilty, ashamed and as though we are ‘not enough’."
"The thing is, people often do not realise that while we are accommodating, we are simultaneously sacrificing our sanity in the process," she adds.
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Professor Kathryn J Lively writes in Psychology Today that women often find it difficult to say no because they think they won’t be liked or someone’s feelings may be at risk.
“Practice saying no. Start with things that don’t matter, like a refill on a cup of tea or water at a restaurant. Learn to say it graciously and definitively, with confidence and good cheer. Once you get good at that, try it with something that carries a little more emotional weight,” says Professor Kathryn.
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She advises women to just say no, give a reason and let it go. It’s a good suggestion, but many women still struggle with what should be a simple exercise.
Read these young women’s accounts of the impact not being able to say no had on their lives
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