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Think back to your childhood. There will be a story. A tale about a prince, a treasure, true love, a ghost... a story that's remained in your subconscious because it touched you in some way, triggered your imagination, or perhaps even scared you to death.
Stories can be extremely powerful. They can transcend time, transport you to another place and transform you into an active participant. But stories are far more than mere flights of fancy. They're about life and the people living it.
For centuries, stories have been used to educate people and to explain things to them – simplifying and entertaining at the same time.
Think of the parables Jesus used to explain spiritual concepts. Even some fairy-tales and myths originated as a form of communicating beliefs and philosophies, such as the tale of Little Red Riding Hood, which is said to explain the transition of a young girl into womanhood.
In his book The Springboard (Butterworth-Heinemann), Stephen Denning has this to say about storytelling: "It is natural and easy and entertaining and energising. Stories help us understand complexity. Stories can enhance or change perceptions. Stories are easy to remember. They bypass normal defence mechanisms and engage our feelings."
Conflict expert Julia Chaitlin, says people are drawn to stories because they have the potential to entertain us, help us organise our thoughts, fill us with emotion, keep us in suspense, or provide instructions on how to live and act.
They also have healing power, both for the teller and for the listener. Sharing life stories is therapeutic because when the information is out there in the open, it helps you to see things differently, especially when you witness someone else's reaction to it.
That is why the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) was so crucial. People could share their stories, share their pain, and in many cases make their burden lighter. The listeners at the hearings – and the rest of the world – had a chance to hear these stories, and to gain greater understanding.
Recently, the corporate world has woken up to the power of storytelling, using real people to tell a story about how a product benefited them. Companies are also creating personal characters through storytelling, sharing the story of the origin of a product, how it was developed and who the people are who worked on it.
We are constantly subjected to commercial storytelling: television programmes, films, advertisements and music videos all tell stories that enrapture and entice us.
Storytelling can also have personal meaning in your life, and help you to develop and know yourself. Discussing your problems with a psychologist is a way of learning to tell your own story. You use both reason and emotion when you have to tell someone else what you are thinking and feeling.
Stories help you to make sense of your situation. According to Jungian and cognitive psychologists, we use stories in our everyday lives. For example, we dream in stories, and we tell stories to remember our experiences. A therapist can listen to your story and help you to rethink and reframe it in a more positive way, so that you can change the outcome and ending of your own story – hopefully into a happily-ever after one.
Writing it down
Telling your story can be uplifting, and writing it down even more so – adding healing and growth to the
experience, says Dr Dorian Haarhoff, a motivational speaker and published poet who runs writing workshops. He
says a hidden or suppressed story can sabotage your life. For example, if there is a pattern in your life of making friends with domineering people, it could be because you
had domineering brothers or sisters when you were young, and that the particular story is repeating itself.
"What is the story that is shaping your life? If you don't know what it is, the story will live you, instead of allowing you to be living the story," says Dr Haarhoff.
By writing down your story as if you are a character in the plot, you will be able to put some distance between you and the story, and pinpoint any recurring patterns and passions.
"Reading the story that you've written, is similar to watching a film about your life – there is distance, and you can observe it with compassion without judging yourself."
There is no such thing as a boring life story. "Remember, it is not the story that counts, but the way in which it is told," says Dr Haarhoff, quoting the author Herman Charles Bosman.
Writing down your story can also give you hope, goals and energy. "Think of those times in your life when you were happy – re-read those chapters – what was the storyline, who were the characters? Remember, to live forward, you have to understand backwards. It is often only when you look back that you can see how everything fits together," he says.
Your life story is also an important gift to other people. "Don't let your story die with you. Are you lucky enough to know your grandparents' life story? If not, wouldn't you have liked to have known it?"
Engage
Dr Haarhoff recommends that you think of an experience from your childhood. Draw a picture of it, using your non-dominant hand. Then write a story about it.
Don't be scared that you may lack writing talent. If you get stuck, take a break outside. "To improve your writing, you need to improve your observation. For example, you could look at a tree and think that you feel like a tree after its leaves have fallen to the ground – or that the wind is blowing right through you..."
Don't allow high expectations to become obstacles to your storytelling. Instead of judging your writing as good or bad, rather ask yourself if the writing is alive, or whether you need to breathe life into it, says Dr Haarhoff.
"At school we were all taught to impress, rather than to express. When you are writing your life story, you are writing to express, not to impress – you are writing only for yourself."
Image: Inge Prins
