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The DStv Delicious Festival leaves our resident festival goer, Phumlani S Langa, a little shortchanged.
This was the biggest party in the last two years. Burna Boy was headlining, followed by a day of more heavy hitters, including Babyface, Digable Planets and Angie Stone. We were back outside, and it was great, but we need to talk about the disasters of the festival.
A sun-kissed saunter
My friends and I plan to be fashionably late. The temperature on Saturday reached a high of 27°C and the aim was never to sweat. So, we’re in the Uber, mad hyped about going to a music festival and how we’re going to eat lots of food. I even skipped breakfast and lunch. We arrive and, as is the case with this venue, the traffic to get into the Kyalami Grand Prix is arduous.
We enter the gates and cruise by security who couldn’t be bothered to check if we had tags or not and scale a small embankment, careful not to scuff the new vans, before heading up a road towards the sound of music blaring in the distance. We then journey through a tunnel walkway, which was hot and stuffy, naturally adding to the lashing we received from the sun on the way up. But, it’s okay, it’s all for Burna Boy.
Line it up
After eventually making it into the main complex, where the festival is happening, a sea of bodies greets us. I first notice the long queue at the Howler top-up stations where you load money onto a band for food and beverage purchases. It's a cashless festival. So imagine the horror as I make my way by and overhear people saying the top-up stations have run out of tags.
A few steps away from this and there is another winding queue heading to what seems like the restrooms. I make a mental note that using the bathroom will not be an option on this excursion.
Every queue at a food stall resembles queues last seen during the 1994 elections. I mean, whether it be churros or vegan food, you’re going to wait and for quite a while. I overhear people lamenting how they missed a set as they were waiting in line for a burger.
I drop down to my haunches. I would’ve taken a knee but didn’t want to dust up my 511 denim. My stomach howls at me for a Howler card. I put in some calls to find my friends and me a haven from the masses.
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Trying to wade through the people in the hopes of getting near the stage was a claustrophobic experience. The frantic texts we kept getting from friends and family who were somewhere in the crowd warning us about pickpockets didn’t help much either. A friend of mine even saw a pick pocketer get caught red-handed after a poorly executed lift and a group of gentlemen proceeded to lift him off his feet.
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I’m not alone in being out of practice though, seems festival organisers are also struggling.
Sweet shelter
Things begin to look up as we manage to find refuge at the Tanqueray marquee. This had amenities, including a bathroom without the election queue, a bar you could reach within 10 minutes and chairs.
We manage to scrounge up a Howler tag. This marquee also has a top-up station inside of it - and things brighten up. We down our first round, rejoicing at being quenched but wondering if we were not maybe amid a Fyre Festival or Woodstock 99 situation and how glad we were that this wasn’t a sleep-over festival. People just outside the tent wear looks of exasperation due to the shortage of VIP bands, which allegedly ran out - somehow.
A few unimpressive plumes of pyrotechnics signal that Burna Boy is about to get on stage.
The marquee was far behind front of house, regrettably, and so the acoustics where I was weren’t the greatest. Also, why are we having a concert at a racetrack? The design of the place alone doesn’t lend itself to good acoustics.
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Now, I’m in the mood to do anything to save this night so I repurpose my bar stool as a podium on which to better my vantage point. A few others follow suit. For the most part, Burna Boy vogues about on stage jovially.
Standing on my pedestal, the cool evening wind coursing through my Marks & Spencer robe as the rhythms hit just right, it felt all worth it for that one moment of magic. I even managed to dance through his whole set without falling from my perch.
We cleverly head out before the end of the Burna Boy set, feeling famished and plotting the best ways to leave the venue without spending hours in traffic.
Talk to us and let us know how DStv Delicious was for you in the comment section below.
