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- We've all got bumps and bruises from the bullying words of our built-in frenemy, aka our mind, that seems to get louder when we're in ill-lit changing rooms (why do they do that?).
- But unlike a toxic friend, we can't simply stop answering their calls.
- So let's turn the mean banter around.
“Ugh, I hate my [insert body part]!”
First of all, start by removing the word 'hate' completely - especially when referring to yourself. Also, what we're dealing with isn't unbridled honesty, it's pure perception. While you're focused on your thighs, someone else is envying your gorgeous skin, long eyelashes, or killer smile. Next time you look in the mirror, notice where your eye shoots first - if it's following old habits, Ms Critical will immediately get to it. Become mindful of these times and instead move your mind to something you love about yourself and opt for lipstick over gloss, because you do, in fact, have incredible lips to show off.
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"I'm just not good enough”
This might be the hardest punch of all because it can permeate through more than one area of your life. Having a low day at work can make you think you're hopeless at everything - it seems like a crazy, irrational thought process, but that's exactly what our negative inner chatter is. Take note of exactly why you started feeling this way. That coworker's sly comment was likely ricocheted from a stern email they received, and had little to do with you at all. That constantly cancelled date? Says more about their time-management skills and courtesy than it says about you. And what about that run of bad luck? It just happens sometimes, to all of us. Perspective is your greatest ally when turning your thinking around. The simple truth is, you are good enough - you are the headline act after all.
"If only I had... "
Unless we're talking about that gooey glitter eyeshadow you swore by at 16, regret is a tiresome and unproductive habit we can sometimes grow accustomed to hibernating in. What if you'd done this or hadn't done that? Well, there is no rewind button when it comes to life, and wishing there were will only drain you of appreciating what you have. Use your energy to work on making things better right now and it'll have you looking back proudly. If things don't work out the way you'd hoped, it's totally okay, you may have opened the door to something better without knowing it. We bet Johnny Depp was kicking himself at the time when he passed up '80s classic Ferris Bueller's Day Off... You just never know what crazy success story life has in store for you.
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"I’ll never feel accomplished”
We're in an age that not only presents us with copious amounts of choices, but often also makes us feel obliged to take on every one of them. And so you feel that if you're successful in your job but aren't currently dating; or are in a loving relationship and family but are still searching for what you want to do; or you have a wonderful career and loving relationship but haven't felt the maternal urge, you've dropped a ball. It's a juggling act we think we need to perfect, but the truth is, we don't. Accomplishment is not an 'A+' at the end of life's checklist - it's being comfortable in your skin and in your choices. Wherever you are in life, you are all right. You always have the option to choose what comes next. If that's not a white picket fence with kids, husband or CEO job, that's fine. If it is, that's fine, too.
"I feel bad that I... "
Guilt. Ugh, there's really no worse feeling. Sometimes guilt can be a good thing, like our natural moral navigation system. You were kind of mean to that girl in school, and feeling a bout of remorse had you avoiding those behaviours in future. But guilt is also one of the mind's favourite ways to beat yourself down: "I can't believe you ate all that!”, “You're so lazy for not going to the gym this morning", "You're being so selfish taking time out for yourself when your mum/sister/friend/partner/ boss needs you." The best way to combat a conscience is to simply forgive yourself and move on. If you did/didn't do it, realise you probably have no real reason to feel such deep guilt, or promise yourself to do better next time, and get on with life.
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"I look awful in this"
Okay, this one might be worth listening to, sort of. Firstly, though, take out the word 'awful' when describing yourself, unless it's to pre-empt awful-ly gorgeous. You don't look horrible, but it mightn't be the most flattering garment for your individual body shape, and you don't want to leave the house in something you don't feel a million bucks in (even if you got it at the R10 sale table). Even in your weekend clothes, you want to be comfortable and confident. If your upper thighs give you a little grief, bypass the trend of lower-bottom-cheek baring shorts for something that shows off your favourite bits (and doesn't have the general public wondering why they can see lower-bottom cheeks in their line of sight). Next time something doesn't quite fit, or isn't accentuating what you want to show off, ditch the garment rather than taking a dig at your hard-working bod.
READ MORE | Switch up your exercise routine to keep your mind healthy
"I wish I were like... "
Stop right there, friend. What you mean is, you wish you were more like no one but the very best your good self can be. Sure, pick up inspiration from others, but why be them when that gig is already taken? We've all been guilty of the green-eyed monster, but it's not a form we should get too comfortable in. After all, for every second you're wishing you were that wealthier, slimmer, fitter or better-dressed girl over there, you're not only wasting energy on a physiological impossibility, you're also denying yourself, and everyone around you, the chance to get to know you. Not that happy with who you are right now? That girl is probably wishing the same about someone else, maybe even you. Quit comparing and get working on the best person you can be, externally and internally. It'll take work and time, but it'll be a helluva lot easier and shorter than it would to morph into someone else.
5 ways to boot the bad talk
- Switch on one of those trashy reality shows and discover that no matter how low you feel, you can be happy it wasn't immortalised on screen.
- Give yourself some positive affirmation time. You might feel a bit odd, but it'll force you to play nice when chatter interrupts.
- Do at least one kind gesture every day. On bad days, remind yourself of what you did that day. Smile guaranteed.
- Call your bestie. They'll remind you of the good stuff.
- Don't make change hard. Remove pressure and take note of what you wish you were/weren't doing and do it the next day. And the next day.
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