Publications
Partners
Parent24 once estimated how much it would cost parents to raise a child for one year, and provided tips on how to be financially ready for your child.
But there are many other factors that are integral to raising babies, and parents should be well-prepared for these life changes.
But how? Chatting to other parents is a good start, as is reading and joining forums, and attending antenatal classes with an expert who can help you to understand what to prepare for.
Parent24 chatted to Carly Abramowitz, a clinical psychologist that specialises in working with parents of young babies in her antenatal course called "Oh baby, WTF!".
She teaches parents about how they can better prepare for the arrival of their bundle of joy and overcome the obstacles on the way, and we picked her brain to get some valuable insights.
Shifts in relationships
For moms the shifts are internal on an identity level, says Abramowitz. These are followed by shifts in all her relationships, including her relationship to her partner, family, the community, and her relationship with work.
"There is a lot of hormonal shifts that occur for mom and her body is most affected by pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding so her postpartum journey is a very physical experience alongside an emotional and psychological one."
Abramowitz says that she encourages dads to be involved even though the talk maybe more about mom's journey, because it is important that we bring dads into the fold when it comes to the big changes that occur for mum when she has a baby.
An incredible period of bonding
Abramowitz notes, "in the beginning, babies feed a lot and very regularly and so what happens in the newborn phase is that babies are very much attached physically to mum for most hours of the day and night, so dad is off and left without much to do in those early days."
"So those very early days are an incredible period of bonding for mum and baby and so what ends up happening is that mum and baby become like one unit and there are an incredible bond and natural connection."
"This of course is fundamental to baby's survival and for babies to have the best possible emotional outcomes for their entire lives."
Read: Everything you need to know about the three key steps to getting breastfeeding right
Learn the ropes
"We need babies to bond with their moms, but what is problematic is that it excludes dad and dads then get the message that they are not needed, and this is also compounded by the fact that mums sometimes push dad away and don't let him be involved and don't know how to include dads," explains Abramovitz.
The other issue, she adds, is dad's fears around getting it wrong and not knowing that they must learn the ropes just like the moms are learning as they're going.
Team work
"Dads need to try to do everything, other than breastfeeding, because there is actual brain chemistry involved," says Abramowitz.
She adds, "If you are comforting your baby or changing your baby while looking at your baby's eyes or holding a baby close to your chest there is a chemical process involved with the brain that will be stimulated."
"This chemical will help increase the connection of the baby with the person involved in empathy, care and connection."
"This means that bonding is something we are all capable of, but we need to stimulate the brain in certain ways to induce bonding and that is through hands-on interactions with baby early on," explains the psychologist.
Abramowitz says that is why same-sex couples can be primary caregivers of a baby when there are no women involved and they're not breastfeeding.
To avoid conflicts around who is doing what when the baby is around, family roles, money and sex, there must be discussions around these things.
Also read: Supermom secrets: How to balance it all during lockdown and beyond
A full time job
When mom is at home with the child while dad is working, it is very easy for dad to think that mom is doing nothing.
He might even think she is just chilling at home. But the reality is being at home with the baby is a full-time job, and it's exhausting.
For dads to find out about this they must also spend the whole day with the baby, suggests Abramowitz, and involved, to get a full picture of the work involved in caring for a new baby.
Five key tips
She adds that parents who need more preparation for the baby should look at the following tips:
1. Who is your village? Figure out who else is there to support you, your parents, friends, family members, nannies and so on.
2. Communication is key. Talk about your expectations and fears: what might change, and what will you miss the most?
3. You need to talk about taking time for yourself. Schedule it in and give each other a break.
4. Schedule time "in": time for couple bonding away from baby, even if it's just 30 min after the baby is sleeping in the evening, or similar.
5. Remember to be kind and offer comfort. We might not always know what the other person needs, but try to always show kindness and comfort, it goes a long way.
Chatback:
Share your stories and questions with us via email at chatback@parent24.com. Anonymous contributions are welcome.
Don't miss a story!
For a weekly wrap of our latest parenting news and advice sign up to our free Friday Parent24 newsletter.
