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In 1984, an American woman named Janice Moglen collaborated with the organization Parents Without Partners and petitioned to have US states declare their recognition of 'Single Parent Day'.
She picked 21 March as it coincides with the inception of Parents Without Partners, which began on March 21, 1957 and soon President Ronald Reagan signed Proclamation 5166, declaring March 21, 1984, as National Single Parent Day.
The day aims to honour the mothers and fathers holding down the fort with all the hard work and sacrifices involved in raising kids alone.
While South Africa doesn't recognise the day, it really should.
In 2019 the Human Sciences Research Council (HSRC) and the South African Race Relations Institute (SARRI) found that 60% of South African children have absent fathers and more than 40% of South African mothers are single parents.
This, when compared with 25% in the US and a developed world average of just 15%, is concerning.
According to StatsSA, in 2018 many young children (46%) lived with only their biological mother, and 2% lived with their biological father only. They also reported in 2020 that 71% of children from female-headed households were multidimensionally poor compared to 53,6% from male-headed households.
Why is this important?
Single parenthood is problematic, because it puts both psychological and financial strain on single parents and their children.
Reports show that South African women earn an average of 28 per cent less than men, which is partly cause for the disproportionate levels of poverty in female-led households.
Almost 30 per cent of working-age women are unemployed, compared to 25 percent of men, and women are also more likely to work in informal, unregulated sectors or do unpaid work.
Women are also vulnerable to domestic abuse, sexual assault, unwanted pregnancy and HIV, all of which can prevent women from supporting themselves and their families.
Knock on effect
Furthermore, children who grow up in fatherless households are at greater risk of psychological issues.
Research shows that boys who grow up with absent fathers are more likely to display aggression and other hyper-masculine behaviors, which increases their risk for unhealthy relationships, crime, joining gangs, dropping out of school and addiction.
Fatherless girls are more likely to engage in high-risk sexual behaviors, experience an unwanted pregnancy or find themselves in an abusive relationship.
Without intervention, these children grow up and continue the cycle.
Also read: Unmarried parent? Know your rights
How to help?
Addressing these issues needs to start with government implementing national policies as a priority to ensure a better life and opportunities for single parents and children from single parent homes.
But closer to home, offer help to the single parents in your life. Drop off a meal, help with the school run and provide a safe shoulder to lean on.
And if you'd like to help, Rushka Lee Pedro, a Family Law Mediator and Life Coach, says there is truth in the saying "it takes a village to raise a child".
So please help a single parent that you know, "your support goes a long way; all you have to do is ask," she stresses.
Single-Mom-Struggle-Survivor
Rushka is also a 'Single-Mom-Struggle-Survivor'. She shared her experience of bringing up her children alone, with Parent24.
"I know first hand what it’s like waking up in the middle of the night to a screaming, crying, hysterical child, while you have the flu and you have a maintenance court appearance at 8am the next morning, and you don’t have enough money for doctors because you can’t afford medical aid," she says.
"The struggle is beyond debilitating and it’s very real. With limited resources, funds and self-worth, I was a single mother with a court battle of note with two young children," she adds, going on to explain that her rock bottom moment came when she couldn't afford a birthday cake for her 6 year old daughter.
"We had some leftover cupcakes that we had baked and a bar of chocolate in the cupboard. I made a cake pop, melted the chocolate, drizzled it over and stuck one single candle in the centre and that was her birthday cake," she tells us.
"I told the story to a friend of mine years later, describing that as my lowest point of single motherhood and his response was: 'It’s your own fault, why didn’t you just ask me for money?'"
There were many reasons, Rushka says, one of which was that "rock bottom is rock bottom. The thought of asking anyone for R50 to buy your daughter a cake for her birthday was gut wrenching," she describes.
Painful, to say the least
And this is the turmoil that many single parents go through every single day.
"Going to the shop and only having enough money for a loaf of bread, a couple of tins of baked beans, a small packet of rice and a few bananas was a common occurrence for years," she reveals.
She describes how she would visit family and friends and try to stay there long enough, praying that they will offer for her and her kids to stay for dinner, so they could have a decent meal instead of bread or two-minute noodles.
"Going to the school's second-hand store to buy school uniform that was in relatively good condition, and being in the school fees exemption line year after year... it was painful, to say the least," Rushka says.
Proud moments
"But having said all that, there were moments where I couldn’t have been prouder to be a mom! Seeing my children at the school concert performing on stage, or having them called up to accept several awards for academics, swimming and netball. Those were definitely 'Proud Mama Moments!'," she adds.
And, without the struggle, she says she wouldn’t be the person she is today: determined to help other single parents in the community.
Ruska says she was strong-minded and resilient in her efforts. "I was going to overcome this and I was going to conquer whatever demons I had inside. However, it starts from inside… it starts from owning your situation, forgiving yourself and making amends with scars," she explains.
She adds, "Self-love is something that children can only learn from you – children learn what they are close to, and that is you! Self-acceptance, self-care and self-love for your children starts with you as a parent, and if you are a single parent its double the reward."
Her advice to other single parents is to "watch what you say, watch what you do and be mindful of your actions and do what’s required; and that’s to show them: love, by showing yourself love first."
She adds, "To all those single parents out there; I applaud you and I wish you nothing but the best for your future. You’ve got what it takes, you are a single parent straighten your crown and get to it!"
Find support
Rushka will be hosting a Single Parents event in Johannesburg on Saturday 20 March 2021. She will touch on how to survive single parenthood and there will be talks on (affordable) healthy habits, the importance of exercise, general first aid, showcasing self-defence manoeuvres and money matters (debt counselling and the importance of short and long term insurance). Find out more here.
If you are a single parent or also believe that South Africa should mark the day, let us know!
Chatback:
Share your stories and questions with us via email at chatback@parent24.com. Anonymous contributions are welcome.
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