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let them roll
let the blues roll out but “this load is heavy it requires men
”has nothing to do with baritone or beard
it is a word of warning wisdom
when the uncontrollable miles
between you and home
the beautiful land
you vowed to liberate
become unbearable
and you ask yourself
if it was worth your leaving the loved ones
as if you left home
a victim of a stupor
when having been rejected
like vomit from a stomach
you try to examine
if it is the food that is stale
or the stomach that is sick
when you are threatened by paralysis
in the midst of so much to be done
when the pettiness has played so many games with you
that like an addict
you do not remember when you did not crave
just another piece of gossip
when the demon trinity
inferiority complex
self assertion
sadism
have become your masters
that you put the stamp
on your own death certificate
as you try to destroy
when you drink yourself insensible
into the gaping dark void
that is ready like the vicious jaws
of a shark to receive you
when some other comrades have fallen victim
to mental breakdown
and you shudder wondering
if you won’t be next to be ambushed
when you make a habit of exchanging blows
that should be kept for the enemy
when you feel trapped
suffocating cornered
at a cul-de-sac
and your tears roll down uncontrollably
as memories invade you daily
maybe let them roll
let them blues roll out let them roll out the blues
till oblivion sneaks to your rescue
when later you feel lighter
retrieve the zeal that made you leave home
lest you go down the drain
with the stinking rot of history
when the song goes “this load is heavy it requires men” that has nothing to do with baritone or beard
it is a word of wisdom and warning that our history is so reddened
with the blood of the best of our land
even the enemy gets more vicious by the second
because the enemy also knows “victory is certain!” is not an empty slogan
*This poem appears in the anthologyMalibongwe: Poems from the struggle by ANC women, which after being banned in South Africa, occupies its rightful intellectual and creative space for the first time in four decades.
