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Replacing your own windscreen wipers could save a few hundred rands, but it's not always as simple. News24 Motoring contributor Stuart Johnston shares some sound advice about a car's wiper blades.
One of my pet theories is that when a hotshot young designer enters the employ of a motor company, they immediately give him a beat-up old desk with outdated Cad-Cam software and tell him to invent a new way to mount windscreen wiper blades.
I have had quite a bit of experience in replacing windscreen wiper blades. For some reason or other, when it comes to wipers and the way the blades are mounted, every manufacturer is of the opinion that THIS is the way to make the new car a cut above the rest.
This theory also extends to the wipers themselves. Mercedes, at one stage, reckoned that one single wiper was the way to go. It involved such a complex gyroscopic action on the single blade that it made you queasy just looking at it in action.
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By contrast, Jaguar, with its E-type back in the early 1960s, reckoned that such a special car deserved not two but THREE windscreen wipers. In the late '60s, they reverted to two wipers, which seemed to do the job even better.
But it's the mounting of the blades on the wiper arms that can catch you out, especially if you have decided that, rather than pay exorbitant labour rates for a simple job, you'll pop into the local spares shop and pick up a set of fresh aftermarket blades.
There's nothing wrong with this thinking: in fact, it makes perfect sense. But, in my experience, the best way to go this route is to get one of the spare shop staff to fit the blades for you.
I advise this because many blade-fastening mechanisms seem to defy all logic. A blade that looks like it needs to be pulled backwards for removal may, in fact, need to be pushed forward on the arm and vice-versa. And some cars need arcane pre-wiper-activating techniques.
For instance, a BMW X3 requires that you push the starter just once with your foot on the brake, while holding down the wiper stalk in its lowest position. If you do this correctly, the car won't start, but the wipers will emerge from a recess at the leading edge of the bonnet, where they usually reside, enabling you to access the release buttons to change the blades.
Some Mercedes-Benz models require that you twist the blades 180 degrees on the stalk to release them. If you don't know this trick, you'll end up breaking the blades, bending the wiper arms, and wishing you'd left the job to your friendly, well-to-do Merc agent.
I enjoy Suzuki's approach to wiper blade attachment. Kia's solution too. On these cars, there's a simple button that you press on top of the arm, and with a simultaneous tug, the blade detaches itself. To affix a new one, you simply push the new blade home until the button goes "click".
But remember, on these cars, the wiper arms have a hook at the end. So to remove the blade, you slide it back towards the base of the blade rather than outwards and away from the end. Your first instinct would be to keep tugging away, trying to get the blade off the end, and this method will end up either in frustration or tears.
I personally use the expertise at my favourite spares shop, Midas, in Blackheath. Their staffers seem to know how to remove and fit every single blade they stock, and while I'm still digging out my bank card at the sales counter, they are completing the installation job in less than a minute. They must practise during quiet times at the shop, or maybe they have team competitions first thing on a Monday morning.
Another thing to avoid, though, is to arrive at a spares shop with no sample. It's definitely advisable to drive there in the car that needs new blades. In the past, I have received a pair of new blades that quickly developed strange symptoms, such as making a "clacking" noise every time the right-hand blade struck the edge of the windscreen. So arrive at the spares shop with the car that needs fixing, and ensure the screen bottle is filled with fluid so you can test the new ones on the spot.
