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Partners
- The pressure to be married, have children and a career all by 30 continues.
- Despite many efforts by millennials to eliminate the pressure, turning 40 and being single still seems taboo.
- Society fails to understand that women are single by choice and won't be crippled by anyone's standards.
It's a diverse age group – some in our 30s, others getting to grips with turning 40, and the two in their late 20s who are having mild panic attacks about turning the big 3-0.
After the usual venting about dodgy dating sites and how to spot red flags, someone pipes up, "But if you're in your 40s and still single, there must be something wrong with you. Does this mean no one wants you, or maybe you're the problem?"
This does sound like a really mean thing to say, but people are entitled to their opinions. The reality is that some people choose to stay single and are quite fine with it, while others are just not good at putting themselves out there and are awkward around the opposite sex. Then, there are those who have had traumatic break-ups and now prefer being by themselves.
The decision to marry is always a leap of faith. The clouds do not part to give you a sign from above that this is what you should do - and there's no guarantee that you will live happily ever after. Marriage, after all, does require work.
READ MORE | 'I got married for the first time at 42, and I'm so glad I did'
Robin James, who is 58 and recently divorced, says she will probably remarry if she meets someone else.
"My ex wasn't bad. We just drifted apart and fell out of love, so the decision to divorce was mutual. I still think that he will make a great husband to someone else. And now we're both single and nearing 60, but there's nothing wrong with us. We would still be great partners to other people."
READ MORE | The benefits of getting married in your 40s - couple shares their love story
Nadine Naidoo, 45, a single mom of two, admits that she often wonders what skeletons are in the closet when she meets a man in his 40s who has never married.
"Yes, I do wonder what's wrong there? Because, at a certain point, it is better to have been married and divorced than never to have been married. Right? Or am I being weird?"
Her reasoning is that if you've been married and divorced, then one can at least say that someone wanted you and found you attractive at some point.
"But if you've never had a relationship and you're now in your 40s, it makes me wonder. Are you a walking red flag?
"Being divorced may say a person has failed, but it also suggests the willingness to take an emotional risk."
A male friend, who is also in his 40s and never been married, admits that he, too, would be wary of women in his age group who have never been married.
"I know I'm still single because I have commitment issues, so I would assume a woman who hasn't married by that age likely has issues, too."
Talking to Reddit, one woman said she was not losing sleep about being single.
"What I am sick of is my family, especially my mother, making me feel as if I need to be married to be whole. It's the constant, 'I'm praying for you to get a husband', or assuming every guy friend I have may be a suitor.
"I wish that I could say my mother is the problem, but it's society as well. For some reason, singleness in women is so difficult to swallow. If you're single, then you must be crazy, have a bunch of cats, or be some type of weirdo. I can't tell you how many dates I've been on where a guy asked me, 'Well, why are you still single? You're so attractive; what's wrong with you?'"
READ MORE | At 60, Scottish woman to finally wed after 35 years with life partner
Women, who have never married, are often subject to speculation that their standards are too high.
It seems that it's far easier to explain away a failed marriage than give a reason why you're still single "at this age".
According to a study, it shows that, over the course of their adult lives, and over time historically, single people become more satisfied with their lives. In this study of 40- to 85-year-olds, people who stayed single became more satisfied with their lives as they grew older.
People without romantic partners are often stereotyped and stigmatised - but, if you go by how they really feel about their lives, rather than how other people assume they feel, the story of single life looks very different.
