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- I'm not a momfluencer – someone who shares much about their parenting journey on social media, often monetising their experience.
- There are obvious dangers involved in sharing photos and videos of your kids online.
- It's important we don't completely discredit, or at the very least bash, momfluencers.
When our son was born, my husband and I went back and forth about how much of him we wanted to share with the world, and the parts we wanted to keep to ourselves.
It started before he was even born, and I'm sure many others also believe in not revealing a pregnancy before the three-month mark.
The latter, of course, has much to do with pregnancy loss, but at its core is protecting yourself and your baby – and that's what it always comes down to.
READ MORE | 'It's normal not to want to be touched': New mom on how motherhood has impacted intimacy
In our religion and culture (and I've spoken about this extensively before) it has a lot to do with believing in "evil eye": the belief that through malicious and malevolent thoughts or even unintentional and unconscious envious looks, one can put misfortune upon someone else.
Eventually, we did start sharing a bit more about our baby boy, and in 2023, of course, I'm talking about online.
First a milestone photo, then a few Instagram stories when we introduced solids, and before long, a funny reel and TikTok – and many parents related to us sharing what happens when you don't quite peel your toddler's banana to their specifications.
But where do I draw the line when it comes to sharing? How much is too much?
READ MORE | Why is it parenting when mom watches the kids, but for dad it's called babysitting?
Exploitation and the ethics of posting your kids online
Now, I'm not a momfluencer – someone who shares much about their parenting journey on social media, often monetising their experience – but my drawer of leather nappy bags in competition with my black Woolies shoppers can confirm I have indeed been influenced.
Of course, there are obvious dangers involved in sharing photos and videos of your kids online.
Elizabeth Mamacos previously wrote for News24 about the risks that come with sharing a first day of school photo, for example, in which you probably don’t even realise you're giving away your child's full name, race, gender, age, school name, grade and location.
With knowledge of the school and location, it is even possible for others to make assumptions about your socio-economic status. It's also easy to look up information on the school's business hours, transport options, teachers and so on. And anyone with criminal intent has access to all this - and they know exactly what you and your child look like too.
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Then, of course, comes the dilemma of exploiting your adorable baby for a buck, which sounds a lot worse when I say it like that. But it still makes you cringe just the same, doesn't it, when you hear frightening allegations of child abuse against parents pranking their kids online, as in the case of US YouTube channel DaddyOFive.
Though a worse-case-scenario example, it raises concerns around the ethics of posting your children online. Are said children voluntarily engaging? Or are parents creating microcelebrities?
On the topic and further to the issue, Curtin University's Tama Leaver and Crystal Abidin write in a piece published by The Conversation: 'There is little transparency about the role children are playing, the conditions of their labour, and how (and if) they are being compensated financially."
Validation and finding a safe space
With this in mind, I feel it's important we don't completely discredit, or at the very least bash momfluencers. I mean, moms get enough of that already.
As in the case of the poorly peeled banana, many have found solace in sharing their parenting experiences online, or connecting with someone else experiencing something similar.
Sara Petersen, who's delved deep into the world of mom influencers, writes in her book, Momfluenced: Inside the Maddening, Picture-Perfect World of Mommy Influencer Culture: "We perform mothering online as a way of accessing meaning when, most days, the work of motherhood doesn't seem to mean much of anything, according to the many men legislating against paid family leave, universal preschool, and childcare subsidies."
And yet, it is the most important job of all, raising the next generation.
"Motherhood renders all mothers powerless to an extent," she says as she highlights, "and momfluencer culture offers us power and control."
