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We love seeing our friends in happy marriages and relationships; however, we don't like when the coupled friends try to push single friends to date. Futhi Masilela writes about why this can be inappropriate and how to navigate this conversation better.
I firmly believe that love will find you when it is meant to find you. It will also find you in the manner that is meant to find you. This means there is no one certain way you can find love or even plan to find it. Love can occur in the most random place and in the most unexpected way, and if it's not up to you how or when it happens, it sure isn't up to your coupled or married friends. We all have friends who we love dearly and they have good intentions for us. Friends who genuinely want the best for us. However, things can be taken a tad too far when it comes to finding love.
We love it when our friends get into healthy, loving relationships and see them let go and be genuinely happy. However, the problem begins when they start pushing their single friends to date, forgetting that our journeys are different. Sure, they may have good intentions and genuinely want their single friends to experience the kind of love they do.
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However, as the friend in a relationship or the friend who is married, you must realise that single friends undergo a process of first moving on and healing from their previous relationships. Depending on how the relationship ended and how much pain it caused, they might want to take a month or six to a year to be single, heal and find themselves. Even when you feel they have been single long enough, it is still not your duty to make them get back on the dating scene.
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You can be supportive of them finding love without pushing them too hard to download that dating app and start talking to other singletons.
How to support your single friend without pushing them too hard to date:
1. Wait for them to bring up their relationship status - Don't be the friend who always asks questions about whether they've found a partner.
2. Stop suggesting how they can get into a relationship - E.g. Download a dating app, go to a bar alone, etc.
3. Don't set them up on a blind date - Don't say things like 'I know someone you should go on a date with' unless your single friend asks you to.
4. If you have already suggested a blind date, respect the first answer - If your friend says they're not interested, respect the no and stop pushing.
5. Don't treat them with pity; they're not lacking.
6. Remember, being single is also a choice - Your friends may be happy in the state they're in.
