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- Relationship expert Paula Quinsee says whether we want to admit it or not, it can be heartbreaking when a friendship ends.
- She advises on how to gain clarity on the situation and whether it's time to let go.
- Letting go can be tricky, but holding on to something that no longer serves you can be even harder.
Heartbreak from a friendship is just as painful as one from a romantic relationship. When you have a close friend in your life, you don't think you might have to let the friendship go at some point.
Apart from toxic behaviour like betrayal and arguments, friends grow apart.
Relationship expert Paula Quinsee says whether we want to admit it or not; it can be heartbreaking when a friendship ends; the pain cuts deep.
"It can feel like your arm has been ripped off your body," she says. Adding, she says that just as we don't think a relationship will end, we don't think a friendship will end. We assume that this is a forever scenario.
READ MORE | Is your friendship for a season or lifetime? 5 signs it is built to last
"This is because you've spent a lot of time together, been a part of each other's lives and shared many things.
"We don't consider that sometimes life happens, people grow, they change, they want different things in life, they go through experiences that shape them, and that's okay.
"The hardest part of it all is accepting that this person is no longer a part of your life and finding a way to get closure and move on from it," Paula explains.
But how do we know when to hold on and when to let go?
"Sometimes we want our friends to decide for us because we are afraid to as we don't want to be perceived as a bad person, or we want to try and convince ourselves that it's just a phase we are going through," she adds.
READ MORE | Struggling to make friends as an adult? Why you should try looking to older generations
5 signs to help gain clarity on the situation and whether it's time to let go:
1. You are detached from each other's lives. You're just going through the motions and being polite.
2. There is very little engagement, communication, or connection between you – everything happens on a superficial level.
There's no follow-through on any plans to meet up or get together, or you're always making excuses as to why you can't meet.
3. The relationship is one-sided – your needs are not taken into account.
4. You are using unhealthy avoidance/coping mechanisms such as alcohol, substance abuse, stonewalling, silent treatment etc.
5. You have underlying resentment about things that have happened in the past and cannot forgive and move forward together.
READ MORE | Red flags that warn you that your work friendship is toxic
"Letting go can be hard, but holding on to something that is no longer serving you can be even harder, not to mention the impact it can have on your mental and emotional well-being. Time does heal, so be gentle on yourself should you decide to go down this path and end a friendship. Give yourself time to grieve and heal while at the same time appreciating the value and role you played in each other's lives."
Paula Quinsee is the Founder of Engaged Humans, facilitating connection between men, women and couples.
