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Warning: Prepare to be triggered
Modern marriages are complex and incredibly hard to keep together. In 2020, South Africa recorded a record lowest number of marriages and more than 16 000 divorces. The trend is clear – fewer and fewer people are choosing not to get married and more are getting divorced.
In the world of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter DMs, WhatsApp, Telegram, Tinder, Grindr and endless other options, waking up and choosing one person is proving to be more difficult than ever.
So, no one's wig was snatched when legendary model and author Sonia Booth accused her equally famous soccer legend husband, Matthew, of infidelity. What left me thunderstruck however was him baking his alleged mistress a cheesecake in their marital kitchen, on the eve of their child's birthday and taking it whole to his married mistress.
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Allegedly. A certain "Mrs Moller" or Mrs Mthombeni-Möller, as our legend refers to her. "Not even a slicenyana for me and the boys", Sonia quipped.
And then, wait for it, he packed the symbol of his love and chivalrous providence in Sonia's cake carrier to present it to his new lady love. All of it.
In a rather unusual but hilarious twist, the alleged mistress waltzed into her own marital home with her guilty cake and fed it to her husband. Mr Möller loved the cake so much that he rated it "restaurant quality" and "9 /10".
She did after all vow in sickness and health and in darkness and light. Sweet.
How do I know all of this? Well, in an unprecedented move, our much-loved Sonia broke the "married women must suffer in silence code" and told the world about her husband's baking skills, the trips and the expensive bottles of perfume Mrs Möller allegedly bought him. One such bottle is apparently "Guilty by Gucci".
But this is not why I'm throwing in my voice on this issue.
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Infidelity is not a character flaw we South Africans take seriously. It is part of our national DNA; overlooking the little skeletons of our virile men and their insatiable appetites.
I mean, the most-watched show on a Sunday night is Uyajola 9/9. And during the week, we entertain ourselves by watching Uthando Nes'thembu, a colourful spectacle of a show about four beautiful and intelligent women fiercely contesting for a rather average fellow's affection.
So no, we're not shocked by our legend "Mateu". He is a South African man after all.
I'm writing this because some people are particularly upset by Sonia's decision to go public about her marital woes.
"How dare she?" "What about the children?" they scream on social media. Oh, the horror!
I even saw a Facebook post by a man I personally know who hasn't seen his kids since Covid-19 hit our shores (another national trait, deadbeat dads, but that's for another day), calling Sonia out for it. "She's selfish, she's not thinking about the kids", he laments.
Our Mateu himself released a rather dismissive statement expressing his "disappointment and sadness at unfounded allegations"... and his "concern over his minor children who are in the middle of exams" and... wait for it... "the Mthombeni-Möller family". What a champion!
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So, in light of everything, not even a mention of his obviously distraught and devastated wife. Nothing! All he cares about are his kids, who he has repeatedly betrayed by stepping out of their family unit to seek happy times and exercise, his income source and his precious Mrs Möller.
A day later, Sonia went live on Instagram in horror after she allegedly found him in her car after getting access via her spare key she had left at home. In broad daylight!
Now, you tell me, is this the type of man you want Sonia to protect?
After what I have just described, Sonia is expected to be gracious and omnitolerant while he, every day, deliberately and consciously participates in acts that are not in the interests of their unity, children and family.
Why does he get a pass? Because she's a woman? Why is the burden of safeguarding her children's mental health placed on her shoulders alone – the victim in all of this?
Imagine smelling the cheesecake your dad is baking the night before your birthday and waking up to discover that your father has taken it to another family. Imagine seeing your dad always wrapped around another woman's arms on social media. She even comments on the pics he posts of you.
Sonia is seething, as she should. She's hurting. She's a woman scorned! She is reacting in the best way she sees fit for her to move on. What I do know is that as a married woman, you must be at your wit's end to reach the point where she is. Is this the best way? Only time will tell. But we do know that with time, her boys will understand and even praise her for standing up for herself.
READ MORE | Cheating and social media: Beware the pitfalls of exposing your unfaithful partner
I've reached out to her. She says she is fine. She is grateful for the support, and she is fine. She says that confidently. No mother is "fine" while her children aren't. She is their mother after all.
My take? The days of "Mosadi o'tshwara thipa ka bohaleng" (a woman must hold the sharp side of the knife", "Mbokodo" and "Bekezela'' are gone. Good riddance. We're tired of being rocks, we want to be flowers too.
* Makhosazana Zwane-Siguqa is the editor of True Love magazine.
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