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- A research team from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign found that showing gratitude in your relationship could strengthen it and protect you from a future breakup.
- The study looked at both expressed gratitude and perceived gratitude to see how it affected couples.
- The main hypothesis from the study was that perceived gratitude (when a partner feels appreciated) could have "stress-buffering effects" protecting the couple from external pressures.
- The study found that couples with a higher level of perceived and expressed gratitude showed higher relationship satisfaction and were confident in their future together.
Saying "thank you" to your partner is more than just polite; a new study suggests it could actually save your relationship.
Research conducted by a team at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign found that "gratitude from one's partner may be a powerful tool for couples, increasing relationship satisfaction and commitment" while shielding them from the damaging effects of arguments and financial problems.
According to the study, people who feel appreciated by their partners have stronger relationships and are more resilient to external pressures.
The positive effects occur both in the moment and over a long-term period.
"This study was really motivated to understand gratitude in relationships and if it can protect couples from challenges and hardships, be it negative communication or broader factors like financial strain," said researcher Professor Allen W. Barton.
"Much of the prior research looked at the relational effects of expressing gratitude, but one could make the argument that feeling appreciated by one's partner is important, too. And we tested both to see whether one was more influential for couple relationships than the other."
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Barton's team tested the effects of expressed gratitude (showing appreciation to your partner) and perceived gratitude (feeling appreciated by your partner) on the relationships of 316 African American couples over a 15-month period.
Most of the couples were middle-aged and lived in small communities in rural Georgia. Over 60% of them had joint accounts and could be classified as "working poor."
On average, the couples had three kids, but the number of children living with those involved in the study ranged from one child to eight. The couples who were married had been together for around 10 years, while those who were not married had been living together for almost seven years.
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During the research period, the couples were surveyed three times about their conflicts, how they resolved them, how they expressed gratitude to their spouse, and how they perceived gratitude. They were also questioned about their current levels of financial stress. Participants were asked to rate their relationship satisfaction, whether they had discussed or thought about splitting up or if they were confident in their future together.The survey was completed at the beginning of the study, eight months in, and again at the 15-month point.
"Our main hypothesis was that perceived gratitude from one's partner would have what we call stress-buffering effects -- that it would protect couples from the declines in relationship quality that typically happen when you have negative communication or when you have higher levels of financial strain," Barton explained. "Expressed gratitude really hadn't been looked at before, so we had no hypotheses with it -- our work was more exploratory."
The study found that couples with a higher level of perceived and expressed gratitude showed higher relationship satisfaction and were confident in their future together, with fewer talks about breaking up. Researchers also found that they seemed to be more protected against the stresses of financial strain and arguing.
"Even if the couple's negative communication increased -- provided they still felt appreciated by their partner -- their relationship quality did not decline as much over time," said Barton. "That becomes really important because not every couple is going to be great at communication, particularly when things get heated or intense, or hit a home run with resolving conflicts."
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While perceived gratitude helped protect couples from external stressors, no protective benefits were found for high levels of expressed gratitude.
To help increase levels of perceived gratitude in your relationship, Barton advised: "Be sure to make compliments that are sincere and genuine. And ask your partner if there are any areas in which they feel their efforts aren't being appreciated or acknowledged and start expressing appreciation for those."
