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- A reader, Palesa Nare*, shared how she found out her husband (now ex) had been living a double life.
- They were in their early years into marriage, but she stayed even after finding out about his cheating and him having a child with another woman.
- The last straw for her was when he moved out of the house after 27 years of marriage to stay with a divorced woman with kids.
- Palesa has been divorced for eight months and working through memories of how she endured emotional torment.
When married, you hope to overcome challenges, hoping all things will eventually work out. But unfortunately, this isn't always the case where cheating, lies and betrayal are involved. Not that lies are inexcusable, but some lies are devastating and can destroy a life one thought one had.
News24 reader, Palesa Nare*, shared how she found out her husband (now ex) of almost 30 years had been living a double life early on in their marriage.
Palesa has been divorced for eight months and working through memories of how she endured emotional torment because of her now ex-husband. Life was perfect until one morning, after four years into her marriage.
"My three-year-old [at the time] demanded to sit in the front seat of the car. I then said 'no'. What the toddler said next made her jaw drop. She said, "But the other mother sits in your chair daily. Why can't I'?"READ MORE | 'I found out my husband of 30 years has been living a double life with a second family'
Soon after, she got a call from her husband's girlfriend, who told her she got the number from his phone.
"She called because he ignored my calls when he was around her and on weekends, so she warned me to stop calling her man. He denied everything when I confronted him about not taking calls and responding to messages," Palesa says.
"One Saturday, we had a family braai. She called my husband, who was near me, and I put the call on speaker. They started swearing at each other. She mentioned that they have a three-year-old he's been maintaining."
READ MORE | 'I doubt we'll ever get married, but that's okay': Woman on her 4-year relationship with an American
Despite the challenges, Palesa stayed with him, but after many years, he cheated again, Palesa says. But she couldn't take it anymore.
"Because he's used to getting away with his doings, he moved out of the house after 27 years of marriage to stay with a divorced woman with kids. Imagine our lastborn is doing her last year in varsity. I thought we were now enjoying our life," says Palesa.
Palesa decided to let the marriage go.
"I filed for divorce, and I have been divorced for eight months. He left his job because he could not pay for our child's school fees and maintain his new family," she says.
"The new woman kicked him out because she found his messages to his children, and he started drinking to drown his sorrows. I suffered for the past four years before I decided to divorce. It will take me a book to write my story, which I intend to do."READ MORE | Women who've been in love with married men share why they agreed to be 'the other woman'
Palesa is on her journey to healing, and she says her children still cry when they talk about her experience.
"It took me 10 months to be myself again. I am still working on it, though it is hard at times. I am happy I have my kids. My advice to others in a similar situation is, 'do not vomit and eat again. It will destroy you'."
She uses this expression to emphasise that people should not return to the place/person that hurt them with hopes of things being normal and getting better.READ MORE | Being cheated on is painful - marriage therapist explains why people go down this destroying path
In a previous article on cheating, marriage therapist Bakhe Dlamini explained the effects of infidelity, noting:
- It destroys the partner's self-esteem, and they start to doubt themselves.
- It depletes trust. The partner loses trust and becomes ever suspicious.
- It leaves the partner with a lot of questions. They ask themselves, "What really happened?" "How did it happen?" "Where did the cheating happen?" "Why did it happen?"
- Cheating can lead to a partner incurring STIs or pregnancies if the cheater uses no protection.
- It brings pain to one's partner - some people who are cheated on go into depression.
- It can end your relationship or marriage.
Not her real name*
