Landisa: ‘Men can marry men.' What I thought when my son wanted to marry his best friend

When we were kids, I remember our house always being full of people. All kinds of people, from all walks of life. My parents enjoyed the social scene, so growing up, having a smorgasbord of people was normal.

Both of them were accepting of everyone, regardless of race, sexual orientation or political affiliation,  provided you were not a complete ass. My parents became surrogates to many "strays" who came looking.

Way back then, race and sexual orientation were taboo in a lot of communities.  But for us, you were welcome, regardless.

There was always food to eat, and plenty to drink.

It is something I impress upon my son, now that I am an adult: that not everyone is the same, and there are different normals, for different people.

But yet, more than 40 years later, the same race and sexual orientation taboos remain, and it is far more "normal" than a lot of us think.

As a single parent, I have often been told how important it is for my boy to have a strong male role model.

And I get that.

But it also means different things to different people: he must have a man's man as a role model. Why? And what is a "normal" strong male role model?

Both of his godfathers, who are dear friends of mine are gay. It does sometimes raise eyebrows, still. A lot of men and women in our circle of friends are gay.

One of Luca’s first friends, whom he regards as a brother, is one of a pigeon pair adopted by a gay male couple, Uncle X and Uncle Y. The couple are white, and their children are black.

He adores them and makes no distinction between their family unit, and what would be considered a "normal" one.

And yes, I do wonder … what goes on in that seven-year-old mind of his.

He is quite an emotionally sussed child, his EQ is high, so he picks up on lots.

He is being raised in a house full of women, after all.

But I still am sometimes blown away by how much his little brain absorbs.

The other day he had a conversation with his aunt, when she did the school pick up.

It went like this -

Luca: I really, really love my best friend Thomas (not his real name), We are going to get married one day.

Aunt: Okay, are you both going to take a wife?

Luca: Why, men can marry men, and we can adopt children, like uncle X and uncle Y. I'm sure we will be very happy.

Aunt: Okay then my boy, just promise me that you will both finish school first.

Clearly lots are being absorbed.

And I couldn’t be prouder of him.

It is a conversation that could also go very south, I would imagine in some households. And it shouldn't because often what is clearly very innocent can get very distorted.

So in his mind, clearly he sees happy, normal, well-adjusted loving families ... in all forms., blended in all kinds of ways.

And I hope to keep it that way.

I will keep on encouraging him to look beyond what is "normal" and socially acceptable.

It makes the world so much bigger. 

PS. But alas, love is fickle in the world of seven.

While Thomas remains the bestie, he has now had to make way for Lucy – whom Luca now also really, really loves.

So much so, that a Valentine’s Day gift was required. "I think I love her mommy … I am so nervous…"

Estrelita is a single-mother, production editor at Business Insider South Africa, and lives in Cape Town.