Who would've thought loneliness and social isolation could put your health at risk?
We have grown to be a group of people that isolate themselves from society, but with that comes consequences that could ultimately harm you. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), loneliness is declared a pressing threat on public health.
The organisation says social isolation and loneliness are widespread, with an estimated 1 in 4 older people experiencing social isolation and between 5 and 15 per cent of adolescents experiencing loneliness. CNN reports that mainly young adults, between the ages 19 to 29, are grappling with loneliness.
WHO Director-General Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus says, “High rates of social isolation and loneliness around the world have serious consequences for health and well-being. People without enough strong social connections are at higher risk of stroke, anxiety, dementia, depression, suicide and more.”
Months ago, marketing manager Thandie Olifant attempted to resuscitate her relationship with ex-husband and five-time cheat, Zweli, because she was lonely.
Despite having hundreds of Facebook friends, she still felt isolated. She’s not alone.
In an age of frantic social networking, one in 10 people suffer from long-term loneliness. Like Thandie, Lisa, 28, had a good job, close family, and a life she loved in KZN.
She left for Joburg after being in a close-knit environment with four friends who always had busy weekends that consisted of noisy nights out.
“During the 18 months I lived in Joburg, I suffered from intense loneliness, and it came with physical symptoms. I developed insomnia and rarely slept before 3am. After nine months, my hair started to fall out. It wasn’t always like this,” she says.
Talk about it
Like many of those surveyed, Lisa wasn’t the awkward loner of popular imagination, or an elderly woman stranded on the fringes of society.
“There’s a huge stigma attached to loneliness,” says Emily White, the UK-based author of Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude.
“People pretend their loneliness is depression because it is less stigmatised. People are ashamed to admit to being lonely because it implies you have failed in some way,” agrees author Kamin Mohammadi, who opted for self-imposed exile in Florence, Italy, to finish her book, The Cypress Tree.
This sense of stigma means we can’t talk about it, depriving ourselves of the one thing that might ease our pain. While this is debilitating for either gender, evidence suggests that lonely women suffer more than men.
“Talk is the way women process their emotions,” explains counsellor Mary Ovenstone. “When we stop sharing our feelings, we start to shut down emotionally.”
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Growing trend
Despite this basic need for connection, solitude is a growing trend: levels of loneliness, along with the number of single-person households, have increased in recent years.
“We live in small, individual units, whereas before we used to live in extended families,” says Ovenstone. “Young women choose careers over early marriage, so the need for companionship is no longer met by their husbands.”
“And,” says White, “we used to belong to clubs, unions and church groups; now we’re more likely to be on our own. For many, that will translate into a greater degree of loneliness.”
Lebo, 35, a freelance writer, had no idea of being alone until she broke up with her partner of six years. She started seeing someone else soon after. “I had no idea how to be alone. When your life is that full, you never need to learn. At first, my man tried to introduce me to the wives of colleagues, but I wasn’t confident to talk to strangers. Eventually, we broke up.”
On her 30th birthday, Lebo woke up by herself and felt lonelier. White explains that the way we live has changed, but our attitudes are lagging. It’s acceptable to search for a partner, but there’s still something embarrassing about deliberately setting out to find friends.
Okay to be by yourself
Ovenstone reckons we should reframe solitude and draw a distinction between being alone and being lonely.
“Every woman should have periods of time in her life that she spends on her own.” We’ll all be alone at some point. Perhaps we can stop treating loneliness as a shameful secret and accept it as a state we’ve all experienced. It’s also worth remembering that while long-term loneliness can create lasting problems, time can change you for the better. Researchers have found that it’s not being lonely but staying lonely that’s the problem.
“Being alone transformed me from being needy to being self-sufficient and stronger. In life, there won’t always be someone to turn to, nor should there be. “It feels good to know that the next time I find myself utterly alone, I’ll have the wisdom to face down my problems, all by myself.
• 21 percent of those aged between 18 and 24 said it was one of their main worries.
• Studies show that loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking.
• Lack of connection raises the blood pressure and stress levels and ruins sleeping patterns.
