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"Courage is fire and bullying is smoke" - Benjamin Disraeli
From verbal, psychological to physical abuse, to bombardment on social networks platforms, the barrage of bullying is ever prevalent, and most times parents are totally unaware of this.
We see it often, and think it won’t affect our child. Besides pupil on pupil intimidation; bullies are now attacking teachers as well.
This morning on a leading radio show I heard about a student attacking her teacher’s wife.
Bullying, intimidation and violence seems to be how people handle situations.
Some victims are strong; speak about it and learn coping mechanisms, some don’t cope well, but survive, by keeping their head low in the trenches; some are scarred for life and this stage of their lives will haunt them forever and then there are those tragic cases where victims just cannot deal with this and end up committing suicide.
If bullies are not stopped, they go on in life and just get better with age. We have workplace bullies; we meet them in shopping malls, in parking lots.
We can question why bullies do what they do.We can analyse their mental state.We can discuss their upbringing.Are we clueless on how to actually deal with bullying?
Was I bullied at school almost 20 years ago? Yes and No.
Bullying back then was different; when you entered your first year of high school the older pupils did “push you around” they tried to see what you were made of. Once you stood up to them, they would back off and find someone else to “pick” on.
Today bullying is on a whole new level. With technology, and wider sources of communication, this goes beyond the school playground.
It creeps into your child’s room, into your home, when they are out at the movies with their friends; it changes their personalities, their behaviour. Some parents are oblivious. It follows a child like a dark cloud, leaving them thinking they are alone and helpless.
This is for those who are going through this tragic situation.
You will and you can survive this, even if right now it feels like this is a nightmare which won’t end. It’s a form of abuse, and a power struggle. You can gain control and you can speak out against this abuse.
If you feel as if you are all alone - You are not!
You will survive the mean looks, giggles, gossip and cold shoulders. Learn to clutch your bag tighter, or your books tighter as you navigate your way through the hallways of your school with your head held high.
All you want is to blend in to the scenery; so that you will not be the centre of attention and an easy target, just remember the ones who bully are cowards. They are spineless. Keep saying that to yourself!
There is always going to be a new girl; a poor girl or the friend of the girl who is being bullied, fat girl or the girl who doesn’t wear the trendiest of clothes. Right now you are the focus of these peoples’ attention, which means you have something in you, that they so badly envy.
No matter how hard they try, they cannot get it. With all their money, status due to their parents success, or their looks whatever they have, they still cannot get what they want from you.
This is why they taunt you. Bullies are sad individuals, who have something missing in their lives. Maybe their parents don’t hug them enough, or their families do not give them attention they need, or they are only “cool” because of their good looks and superficial posse of friends.
Maybe they miss their teddy bear or blankie which they hold at night, who knows why they are so disturbed.
When you encounter disdain from a group of vacuous airheads, remember Camus and his words of wisdom: "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was, in me, an invincible summer."
So you are a bit overweight, your glasses remind them of harry potter, or you have acne, this isn't all there is, you are growing, I don’t know anyone in the history of humanity who remained the same throughout their lives.
Just remember your bully won't be skinny, pretty forever... in fact, she too will morph as she grows. See her in 10/15 years’ time.
You know I am right
When you see her in the future, you will see her trip and fall in the mall parking lot; or she will marry the wrong guy and be miserable, she will still have a @#$!load of money, but won’t be happy.
Things do come full circle in life. Unfortunately this is reality; it will not come around when you want it to. But I assure you, that’s why it’s called the “circle of life” what you put out comes back, if you nasty and ugly, one day when it happens to you, you sit back and wonder why me, and then you recall the person you taunted in life, and realise you are getting back what you put out.
Trust me, this right now isn't all there is. Keep saying to yourself that these cowards who are mean are actually helping you right now, say "Thank you. My thick skin isn't an inherent quality; it's one that I am growing; as I learn about life and people.”
They are actually helping you change and allowing you to see how terribly sad it is when some people don’t change. They are teaching you how strong you really are and how important it is to repeat positive words to yourself whilst negative ones are directed at you.
Most importantly it’s teaching you how we impact on each other. In a few years’ time, you will be using them as an example of a “bad” or a “deeply disturbed” person, you might be on campus, and you will see your bully walk by, you will tell people how you survived their cowardice.
No one ever looks at a bully and says “Ahh, I want to be like him/her” “, if it was bullies were in demand they would be an endangered species. Remember the movie “Mean Girls” – watch it if you haven’t.
Talk to your parents, reach out to a trusted family member, talk to you best friend/s; whatever you do, no matter how bad it is right now, don’t shut off.
There is always a solution, do not think you are alone, because you are never alone. No one likes bullies, even the bullies themselves don’t like themselves, hence they do what they do.
Bullies have deep personal issues, they are blind to it and if they don’t get help, it becomes a compounded issue later in life.
Your loved ones will do whatever it takes to protect you, speak out against bullying. Bullying is unacceptable and that no one should have to put up with it.
Check out Saffiya's blog and follow her on Twitter
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
From verbal, psychological to physical abuse, to bombardment on social networks platforms, the barrage of bullying is ever prevalent, and most times parents are totally unaware of this.
We see it often, and think it won’t affect our child. Besides pupil on pupil intimidation; bullies are now attacking teachers as well.
This morning on a leading radio show I heard about a student attacking her teacher’s wife.
Bullying, intimidation and violence seems to be how people handle situations.
Some victims are strong; speak about it and learn coping mechanisms, some don’t cope well, but survive, by keeping their head low in the trenches; some are scarred for life and this stage of their lives will haunt them forever and then there are those tragic cases where victims just cannot deal with this and end up committing suicide.
If bullies are not stopped, they go on in life and just get better with age. We have workplace bullies; we meet them in shopping malls, in parking lots.
We can question why bullies do what they do.We can analyse their mental state.We can discuss their upbringing.Are we clueless on how to actually deal with bullying?
Was I bullied at school almost 20 years ago? Yes and No.
Bullying back then was different; when you entered your first year of high school the older pupils did “push you around” they tried to see what you were made of. Once you stood up to them, they would back off and find someone else to “pick” on.
Today bullying is on a whole new level. With technology, and wider sources of communication, this goes beyond the school playground.
It creeps into your child’s room, into your home, when they are out at the movies with their friends; it changes their personalities, their behaviour. Some parents are oblivious. It follows a child like a dark cloud, leaving them thinking they are alone and helpless.
This is for those who are going through this tragic situation.
You will and you can survive this, even if right now it feels like this is a nightmare which won’t end. It’s a form of abuse, and a power struggle. You can gain control and you can speak out against this abuse.
If you feel as if you are all alone - You are not!
You will survive the mean looks, giggles, gossip and cold shoulders. Learn to clutch your bag tighter, or your books tighter as you navigate your way through the hallways of your school with your head held high.
All you want is to blend in to the scenery; so that you will not be the centre of attention and an easy target, just remember the ones who bully are cowards. They are spineless. Keep saying that to yourself!
There is always going to be a new girl; a poor girl or the friend of the girl who is being bullied, fat girl or the girl who doesn’t wear the trendiest of clothes. Right now you are the focus of these peoples’ attention, which means you have something in you, that they so badly envy.
No matter how hard they try, they cannot get it. With all their money, status due to their parents success, or their looks whatever they have, they still cannot get what they want from you.
This is why they taunt you. Bullies are sad individuals, who have something missing in their lives. Maybe their parents don’t hug them enough, or their families do not give them attention they need, or they are only “cool” because of their good looks and superficial posse of friends.
Maybe they miss their teddy bear or blankie which they hold at night, who knows why they are so disturbed.
When you encounter disdain from a group of vacuous airheads, remember Camus and his words of wisdom: "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was, in me, an invincible summer."
So you are a bit overweight, your glasses remind them of harry potter, or you have acne, this isn't all there is, you are growing, I don’t know anyone in the history of humanity who remained the same throughout their lives.
Just remember your bully won't be skinny, pretty forever... in fact, she too will morph as she grows. See her in 10/15 years’ time.
You know I am right
When you see her in the future, you will see her trip and fall in the mall parking lot; or she will marry the wrong guy and be miserable, she will still have a @#$!load of money, but won’t be happy.
Things do come full circle in life. Unfortunately this is reality; it will not come around when you want it to. But I assure you, that’s why it’s called the “circle of life” what you put out comes back, if you nasty and ugly, one day when it happens to you, you sit back and wonder why me, and then you recall the person you taunted in life, and realise you are getting back what you put out.
Trust me, this right now isn't all there is. Keep saying to yourself that these cowards who are mean are actually helping you right now, say "Thank you. My thick skin isn't an inherent quality; it's one that I am growing; as I learn about life and people.”
They are actually helping you change and allowing you to see how terribly sad it is when some people don’t change. They are teaching you how strong you really are and how important it is to repeat positive words to yourself whilst negative ones are directed at you.
Most importantly it’s teaching you how we impact on each other. In a few years’ time, you will be using them as an example of a “bad” or a “deeply disturbed” person, you might be on campus, and you will see your bully walk by, you will tell people how you survived their cowardice.
No one ever looks at a bully and says “Ahh, I want to be like him/her” “, if it was bullies were in demand they would be an endangered species. Remember the movie “Mean Girls” – watch it if you haven’t.
Talk to your parents, reach out to a trusted family member, talk to you best friend/s; whatever you do, no matter how bad it is right now, don’t shut off.
There is always a solution, do not think you are alone, because you are never alone. No one likes bullies, even the bullies themselves don’t like themselves, hence they do what they do.
Bullies have deep personal issues, they are blind to it and if they don’t get help, it becomes a compounded issue later in life.
Your loved ones will do whatever it takes to protect you, speak out against bullying. Bullying is unacceptable and that no one should have to put up with it.
Check out Saffiya's blog and follow her on Twitter
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
