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After reading the “Spring monster” article and following the news feeds I now have even more drive and passion to help all abused woman out of these situations and became more apparent that we need to do more.
When children are involved in a domestic violence situation it’s a mother’s duty and primal instinct to want to protect her young.
This is my promise that I made to my unborn son.
No matter what, I was going to keep him safe. Hopefully this will inspire you to take that first crucial step.
Dear Wiehan
I know things are hard right now but just know Mommy loves you so much that I am doing this for a better future for you.
Daddy doesn’t hate you, he just doesn’t know how to be a daddy yet.
I’m sure once he sees you for the first time he will fall in love with you like the way I did at the first doctor’s appointment when I got to hear your tiny little heartbeat and recorded it on my phone to listen to over and over.
He doesn’t get to spend time with you like I do now. I have you with me 24/7. He hasn’t felt you move like I have. He just has a picture that looks like nothing more than a spot.
All the nasty things he said was just out of shock; you where unplanned but never ever a mistake. You are a little angel sent to guide us to a better future.
I promise things will be ok, and that no one will hurt you. No matter what.
Things will be difficult at first but we will figure it out as we go.
I will go to the end of the world for you to make sure you have a loving stable home, where you can play, laugh and express yourself freely, and most of all where you can be safe.
I just want the best for you.
Love, Mommy
Kids living in a home where there is abuse may overhear their parents fighting, see bruises after the incident is over, or even bare witness the actual abuse.
These experience can have serious effects, such as behavior problems, or getting into trouble at school. Children develop feelings of guilt for not being able to stop the abuse when Mommy and Daddy are fighting.
Children who have been exposed to domestic violence develop depression, anxiety, substance use, and other mental health problems can start accruing.
In some cases, which I found during assisting mothers, children as young as 5 go through severe depression that was mainly caused by the abuse in the home.
Children who see abuse at home are likely to think that abuse is a normal part of relationships. They are more likely than other children to abuse someone or be abused in their own future relationships.
If you are in an abusive relationship and have children, you can take steps to help them:
- Get help for your children by getting help for yourself and leave the abusive relationship.
- Talk to a health professional, like a pediatrician or a counselor.
- Be supportive and available to listen to your children.
- Make sure children know that the abuse is not their fault.
- Tell your children/child to stay away if you are being hit. You don’t want your children to see it and nor attract attention to also being caught in the crossfire.
- Most of all, report the abuse!
You can get help from the court system.
Go get a Domestic Violence court order of protection to keep your abusive partner away from you and your children, but remember, he is still their father and may still have legal rights.
Get the court clerk to explain to you exactly how custody will work.
Never ever lie and say he has been abusive towards his children if he has not been. You will face serious consciousness that might include you losing custody of your children.
If you don’t understand something, ask. If you get an order that protects your children, give a copy to their school.
Being pregnant and in an abusive relationship can cause serious health problems for your child even before it is born.
The abuse can cause miscarriage, infection, premature birth, low birth weight fetal injury and worst off all stillbirth…
Don’t make the mistake of hoping a child will be a band aid for your relationship. Do the right thing for yourself and your child and leave before it’s too late.
In some instances the partner of the abused woman may prevent her from attending prenatal appointments; even if she does chances are she will not confide in the healthcare worker as she is most likely afraid it will worsen her situation.
Also, most victims feel ashamed or guilty about being abused and worried about the reaction from the healthcare worker
The latest statistics show that 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence over their lifetimes, and 6-10% of women suffer domestic violence in a given year.
1 woman in 9 is severely beaten by her male partner in a given year.
On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police.
In 90% of domestic violence incidents, children were in the same or the next room.
In over 50% of known domestic violence cases, children were also directly abused.
Over a third of domestic violence starts or gets worse when a woman is pregnant.
15% of women report violence during their pregnancy.
40%–60% of women experiencing domestic violence are abused while pregnant.
More than 14% of maternal deaths occur in women who have told their health-care professional they are in an abusive relationship.
Why don’t these woman leave their abuser right away you might think?
It’s definitely not that easy. The victim and her children may not be safe if they leave an abuser.
Leaving is often the most dangerous time of all. The abuser might want to take revenge. It causes a great amount of stress and this is most unhealthy for an already very fragile pregnancy.
The victim might be financially dependent on the abuser, believe they cannot manage alone, suffer chronic post-traumatic stress and be unable to make critical decisions.
Most deadly of all, the victim might love the abuser and believe he will change.
Get the help you need. Your child’s safety is more important than anything. Keep your head up high and move one. Keep your child safe.
When children are involved in a domestic violence situation it’s a mother’s duty and primal instinct to want to protect her young.
This is my promise that I made to my unborn son.
No matter what, I was going to keep him safe. Hopefully this will inspire you to take that first crucial step.
Dear Wiehan
I know things are hard right now but just know Mommy loves you so much that I am doing this for a better future for you.
Daddy doesn’t hate you, he just doesn’t know how to be a daddy yet.
I’m sure once he sees you for the first time he will fall in love with you like the way I did at the first doctor’s appointment when I got to hear your tiny little heartbeat and recorded it on my phone to listen to over and over.
He doesn’t get to spend time with you like I do now. I have you with me 24/7. He hasn’t felt you move like I have. He just has a picture that looks like nothing more than a spot.
All the nasty things he said was just out of shock; you where unplanned but never ever a mistake. You are a little angel sent to guide us to a better future.
I promise things will be ok, and that no one will hurt you. No matter what.
Things will be difficult at first but we will figure it out as we go.
I will go to the end of the world for you to make sure you have a loving stable home, where you can play, laugh and express yourself freely, and most of all where you can be safe.
I just want the best for you.
Love, Mommy
Kids living in a home where there is abuse may overhear their parents fighting, see bruises after the incident is over, or even bare witness the actual abuse.
These experience can have serious effects, such as behavior problems, or getting into trouble at school. Children develop feelings of guilt for not being able to stop the abuse when Mommy and Daddy are fighting.
Children who have been exposed to domestic violence develop depression, anxiety, substance use, and other mental health problems can start accruing.
In some cases, which I found during assisting mothers, children as young as 5 go through severe depression that was mainly caused by the abuse in the home.
Children who see abuse at home are likely to think that abuse is a normal part of relationships. They are more likely than other children to abuse someone or be abused in their own future relationships.
If you are in an abusive relationship and have children, you can take steps to help them:
- Get help for your children by getting help for yourself and leave the abusive relationship.
- Talk to a health professional, like a pediatrician or a counselor.
- Be supportive and available to listen to your children.
- Make sure children know that the abuse is not their fault.
- Tell your children/child to stay away if you are being hit. You don’t want your children to see it and nor attract attention to also being caught in the crossfire.
- Most of all, report the abuse!
You can get help from the court system.
Go get a Domestic Violence court order of protection to keep your abusive partner away from you and your children, but remember, he is still their father and may still have legal rights.
Get the court clerk to explain to you exactly how custody will work.
Never ever lie and say he has been abusive towards his children if he has not been. You will face serious consciousness that might include you losing custody of your children.
If you don’t understand something, ask. If you get an order that protects your children, give a copy to their school.
Being pregnant and in an abusive relationship can cause serious health problems for your child even before it is born.
The abuse can cause miscarriage, infection, premature birth, low birth weight fetal injury and worst off all stillbirth…
Don’t make the mistake of hoping a child will be a band aid for your relationship. Do the right thing for yourself and your child and leave before it’s too late.
In some instances the partner of the abused woman may prevent her from attending prenatal appointments; even if she does chances are she will not confide in the healthcare worker as she is most likely afraid it will worsen her situation.
Also, most victims feel ashamed or guilty about being abused and worried about the reaction from the healthcare worker
The latest statistics show that 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence over their lifetimes, and 6-10% of women suffer domestic violence in a given year.
1 woman in 9 is severely beaten by her male partner in a given year.
On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police.
In 90% of domestic violence incidents, children were in the same or the next room.
In over 50% of known domestic violence cases, children were also directly abused.
Over a third of domestic violence starts or gets worse when a woman is pregnant.
15% of women report violence during their pregnancy.
40%–60% of women experiencing domestic violence are abused while pregnant.
More than 14% of maternal deaths occur in women who have told their health-care professional they are in an abusive relationship.
Why don’t these woman leave their abuser right away you might think?
It’s definitely not that easy. The victim and her children may not be safe if they leave an abuser.
Leaving is often the most dangerous time of all. The abuser might want to take revenge. It causes a great amount of stress and this is most unhealthy for an already very fragile pregnancy.
The victim might be financially dependent on the abuser, believe they cannot manage alone, suffer chronic post-traumatic stress and be unable to make critical decisions.
Most deadly of all, the victim might love the abuser and believe he will change.
Get the help you need. Your child’s safety is more important than anything. Keep your head up high and move one. Keep your child safe.
