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There are many articles, books and advice columns written on the devastation of break-ups, how to mend a broken heart and winning back your straying Prince Charming.
Not as much attention is given to dealing with or recovering from a loss of friendship even though it hurts just as badly and sometimes even a little more.
There’s no 10 step guide on how to make her want you back, or quick fix suggestions on how to forget about the pyjama parties you had when John moved overseas (and subsequently married a Brazilian supermodel), or tips on how to get over her by watching Sex and the City re-runs with someone else.
It’s just you having to figure out how to live in a world where she’s not your Person anymore all on your own, and that’s a really tough place to be. Especially now that you don’t have her to see and laugh you through it anymore.
There are many reasons why women end friendships and my article will be a thesis if I go into all the possible causes. But I always find it interesting how a girl would forgive a guy for cheating, lying or deceiving but not a girlfriend for showing up late one too many times.
Why is it that men get off the hook so much easier than our nearest and dearest BFF’s and why is the path to recovery so often a dead-end when a friendship disappoints but an eight lane highway when it comes to our romantic partners letting us down?
The perception seems to be that a boyfriend is a much more precious commodity than a true best friend and that the right man is a million times harder (or borderline impossible) to find while a bestie is around every corner.
Losing a person that you have confided your deepest, scariest secrets in and someone who was there for you when Romeo wasn’t, is a decision one should never take lightly as it carries with it an emptiness that you may not be ready for.
Having someone you can cry with, be vulnerable in front of, be completely yourself with without having to fear that you will be judged or criticised and at the same time having someone that will be a hundred percent honest with you even when they know it’s not what you want to hear but rather what you should hear is often a role reserved for a Best Friend in front of whom you don’t have to be a sex goddess as well.
These things are hard to come by and certainly worth fighting for.
Although Christopher is wonderful,you think his family would make the perfect future in-laws, his career prospects impeccable and in the Fabiani suit you gave him for Christmas he’s the sexiest vision of a man you’ve ever dreamt of, he will never be her.
He will never be your 'Person'.
He will not be the person you can spend hours on the phone with quoting Meredith and Christina lines, the one that can sit till 4 in the morning going over exactly what your boss said and how he said it.
The one who can’t wait to hear all about the new receptionist who you know is bonking the I.T guy and the one who will understand when you ask a hundred times in one evening if your bum looks fat in your new skinny jeans.
He will never be her and the wonderful truth is – he doesn’t have to be! That is not his role and that is okay. That task is for someone else.
She’s a very important cog in your wheel, whether you’d like to admit it or not.
I hope I’ve stated my case loud and clear about how we really should value our BFF’s in our lives, but I also accept that sometimes a friendship really is over for whatever reason that caused the fall-out. But what now?
The same way we grieve the loss of a romantic partner, you will need to go through the same process here as well. Pretending it doesn’t affect you, hurt you or even damage you slightly will not speed up the healing time.
Don’t expect a plethora of candidates whizzing in like Paris Hilton’s “My New BFF” and be realistic that what you had was rare and special and these things don’t just appear out of nowhere every Monday at 20:00.
Allow yourself to be sad and miserable and cry all the time if that’s what you feel like doing.
Try to compose yourself during board meetings though as losing a best friend and job at the same time is something even I would struggle to help you with.
Most importantly should you be lucky enough to find a Best Friend again who will let you weep non-stop over Johnny’s repeated antics, someone who will defend you even when you’re wrong and someone who will actually consider lying under oath for you, cherish this friendship the same way you would your Prince Charming.
Who knows after everyone’s gone she may be the one that will hobble along with you to the Bryanston Organic Market every Sunday. Together you’ll be chatting up all the young boys of course – walking sticks and all.
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Not as much attention is given to dealing with or recovering from a loss of friendship even though it hurts just as badly and sometimes even a little more.
There’s no 10 step guide on how to make her want you back, or quick fix suggestions on how to forget about the pyjama parties you had when John moved overseas (and subsequently married a Brazilian supermodel), or tips on how to get over her by watching Sex and the City re-runs with someone else.
It’s just you having to figure out how to live in a world where she’s not your Person anymore all on your own, and that’s a really tough place to be. Especially now that you don’t have her to see and laugh you through it anymore.
There are many reasons why women end friendships and my article will be a thesis if I go into all the possible causes. But I always find it interesting how a girl would forgive a guy for cheating, lying or deceiving but not a girlfriend for showing up late one too many times.
Why is it that men get off the hook so much easier than our nearest and dearest BFF’s and why is the path to recovery so often a dead-end when a friendship disappoints but an eight lane highway when it comes to our romantic partners letting us down?
The perception seems to be that a boyfriend is a much more precious commodity than a true best friend and that the right man is a million times harder (or borderline impossible) to find while a bestie is around every corner.
Losing a person that you have confided your deepest, scariest secrets in and someone who was there for you when Romeo wasn’t, is a decision one should never take lightly as it carries with it an emptiness that you may not be ready for.
Having someone you can cry with, be vulnerable in front of, be completely yourself with without having to fear that you will be judged or criticised and at the same time having someone that will be a hundred percent honest with you even when they know it’s not what you want to hear but rather what you should hear is often a role reserved for a Best Friend in front of whom you don’t have to be a sex goddess as well.
These things are hard to come by and certainly worth fighting for.
Although Christopher is wonderful,you think his family would make the perfect future in-laws, his career prospects impeccable and in the Fabiani suit you gave him for Christmas he’s the sexiest vision of a man you’ve ever dreamt of, he will never be her.
He will never be your 'Person'.
He will not be the person you can spend hours on the phone with quoting Meredith and Christina lines, the one that can sit till 4 in the morning going over exactly what your boss said and how he said it.
The one who can’t wait to hear all about the new receptionist who you know is bonking the I.T guy and the one who will understand when you ask a hundred times in one evening if your bum looks fat in your new skinny jeans.
He will never be her and the wonderful truth is – he doesn’t have to be! That is not his role and that is okay. That task is for someone else.
She’s a very important cog in your wheel, whether you’d like to admit it or not.
I hope I’ve stated my case loud and clear about how we really should value our BFF’s in our lives, but I also accept that sometimes a friendship really is over for whatever reason that caused the fall-out. But what now?
The same way we grieve the loss of a romantic partner, you will need to go through the same process here as well. Pretending it doesn’t affect you, hurt you or even damage you slightly will not speed up the healing time.
Don’t expect a plethora of candidates whizzing in like Paris Hilton’s “My New BFF” and be realistic that what you had was rare and special and these things don’t just appear out of nowhere every Monday at 20:00.
Allow yourself to be sad and miserable and cry all the time if that’s what you feel like doing.
Try to compose yourself during board meetings though as losing a best friend and job at the same time is something even I would struggle to help you with.
Most importantly should you be lucky enough to find a Best Friend again who will let you weep non-stop over Johnny’s repeated antics, someone who will defend you even when you’re wrong and someone who will actually consider lying under oath for you, cherish this friendship the same way you would your Prince Charming.
Who knows after everyone’s gone she may be the one that will hobble along with you to the Bryanston Organic Market every Sunday. Together you’ll be chatting up all the young boys of course – walking sticks and all.
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