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Once upon a time, as December waved its festive farewell, new years resolutions rose into the air like a million lanterns floating to the stars. But the wind blew the wrong way and they never did quite make it...
New Year's Resolutions don’t often pan out. It’s very rare that I meet a requirement placed upon myself in the enthusiastic hype of a champagne countdown.
Even when I do, it never feels as good, or accomplished, as it should, because they just aren't as glamorous as they seemed in the heat of the making moment. By March, piano scales are simply NOT as much fun anymore.
I have come to realise that New Year's Resolutions are no good because they are nothing but frilly dresses thrown on for a party.
Once the fireworks subside and the chiffon hits the floor, they slump into a mound of forgotten tulle. Yesterday's intentions. So last season.
We seem to think that we will be saved by those fairytale proclamations.
As though we will manifest a prince to come and rescue us from a horrid life. But in 2015, waiting around for a prince, (even one of your own making) is a little out-dated, don’t you think?
New Year's Resolutions simply have no backbone to accompany them, because we don’t understand the true nature of them.
We make them in a hot minute, sighting the tip of the iceberg, yet they take an age to complete, which just isn't as sexy as proclaiming loudly for all to hear 'And This Year I Shall (insert resolution here)' while swirling your sixth drink in the air in your sparkly shoes.
It ain't no fairytale.
Dedication, deliberation and lots and lots of hard work are the evil step-sisters to our glittery good intentions, having had her night at the ball but then leaving a glass slipper on the steps when the clock chimes 12.
And as we all know, if you end up leaving a party with only one shoe, you’re probably drunk.
By the time the morning light wakes you from your restless intoxicated sleep, the last thing on your throbbing mind is that plan to train for a marathon, and you push your resolution to the back of the fireplace as you sweep out all the cobwebs – postponed, hidden and probably forgotten.
New Year's Resolution? What New Year's Resolution?
This year, instead of chasing fantastical dreams of pumpkins turned to Porsches and muffin tops turned to abs of steel, how about we take a little time each day to do something better than the day before?
What about, instead of failing to train for a marathon, dust off the takkies and go jogging for 20 minutes to anywhere.
Instead of turning to a life of self-deprecation, find a dress that was made for the body shape you have right now, and feel great in it.
Instead of vowing to starve 15kgs off yourself, drink 1 less glass of wine, 1 more glass of water, eat one less cookie and add one more apple to your steady diet of caffeine and complex carbs.
Then when that becomes the norm, stop buying the cookies all together, switch to low-GI, take a packed waldorf salad to work, or start drinking only on the weekends.
My immediate plan in action is to eat 1 green thing at every meal – be it broccoli with breakfast, baby spinach with lunch or brussel sprouts at supper (lime cordial and jelly tots don’t count, sadly) and then when that becomes second nature, I might just try that marathon thing.
No I won’t.
My point is, New Year's Resolutions don’t work because they are too grandly packaged. They are the ostentatious, in-your-face, assholes of self-betterment, intimidating you and making you feel as though you are not good enough for the ball in your rags.
I say F that! You ARE good enough already, just as you are, and have everything you need to take the first baby-step toward your goals.
Baby-steps are the fairy-god-mother-dust of improving your life. The more you take little bite-sized steps towards the future you want, the closer you get to goals you never thought possible. Like magic! And nobody, not even yourself, could ever fault you for being better than yesterday.
And the best part is you don’t need to wait till January 1st to do it. I’m going to toss out the Cinderesolutions before the twinkling hour, wear what ever I want, and leave the party when I’m good and ready, with both shoes on.
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