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I sat with a very impressionable 20 year old on Monday afternoon, she mentioned she had written a 20 page letter to her Creator asking many questions about love, life, forgiveness and everything in between.
She is at a junction in her life, where she is trying to understand who she is, stay true to herself even though there is a lot happening and has happened.
She asked me how does one have hope when all you feel is lost.
The last 2 years have been very testing times for me.
There were times when I thought that I couldn’t go on, that there was nothing left of me to give, I felt like everything I had, everything I lived for meant nothing, that my life was pointless, that my existence on this earth was pointless …
Many times I felt like I couldn’t go on, why me? I would ask myself. I based my life on my work, I measured my success on my job, my materials possessions, what I wore, where I shopped etc.
When that got taken away I was at a loss. I was far away from loved ones, missing my pillar of strength, my mother, I just felt that the pain couldn’t get any worse.
Then there were darker days when people who I thought were my friends, were only there because of what I had, and when the material stuff disappeared, they did too.
I felt like I could simply slip away and the world wouldn’t miss me one bit. I was at the bottom and could not sink any lower.
I had dug a hole so deep, I had formed pit of negative emotions so deep that there was almost no escaping it ….
Being a deeply spiritual being, I had numerous conversations with my creator. Sometimes I felt not worthy of his guidance either, because everything, every action felt hopeless.
I also knew I had someone was depending on me, to be an example of hope and faith.
I told myself every day that hope isn’t just something that we hold onto, it is not just a word with little meaning, and hope knows that at the end of testing times, there is a ray of light.
We may not see it cos the darkness makes it look like a speck. But that light is there, I assure you.
This is when one has to dig deep, use your faith to pull yourself out of the dark pit you have dug.
The spirit within us never gives up, our minds might tell us otherwise, but our heart is relentless, it pumps us with a divine energy. It whispers to us, you can do this, you have to do this.
To me hope is courage, having hope is knowing that you are stronger than the pain, having hope is knowing that no matter what comes next you can go on, hope is not letting the world bring you down, hope is waking up each morning and saying “I am still here, I have a purpose”
To be honest, I didn’t think I had anything left inside of me, I didn’t think that I could go on, but I did. I did a 360 on myself, with faith as my weapon against negativity, faith gave me courage and courage gave me; my hope.
I sit here now, gazing into a face of hope, knowing that my courage and strength was worth it … I am exactly where I want to be, I chose the job I want on terms which suit me.
I am surrounded by people who love me still, who were there in those darkest moments, and did not need my credit card as a condition of friendship. New people entered my life mid last year; I now call them my family. Those who did not belong exited.
Today my troubles seem light, my fears subsided. When I look back at the time I thought that pain was so deep, I realize it just felt like that, it’s my faith which pulled me through, my faith was stronger, perhaps this is the reality of hope. I feel therefore I am.
We all come with our personal blueprint. Who we are, what we stand for, what makes us feel alive, our own set of fears and insecurities in life.
We need to know our blueprint; this helps us stay true to it. If we allow our jobs, the materialism of life cloud our blueprint then we start self destructing, we feel hopeless and question our faith.
When it is just you standing alone in the quiet of total solitude, what do I want for me, what makes me happy, who am I when every materialistic thing is taken away?
If that question leaves you scratching your head? You need to check yourself and take stock of who you are.
Life is about change and that means that our roles change along with it. If our whole identity is tied to a particular type of role and it changes, we feel lost.
Who we are as a person, on the deepest levels, our real identity is defined by our core beliefs, values, passions, motives, and expresses itself through our belief, our courage, and our personal power.
It is the connection with this inner aspect of self, our journey to the centre of yourself, that’s where hope resides.
If what you portray outwardly is not in sync with whom you are on the inside, then there is a missing connection.
What is it inside of us, is what holds onto hope?
Breathe in, breathe out. Day by day, moment by moment, leave the worries to The One who knows what to do with those worries. I will not fear, I will trust in The One who guides me.
Faith is what keeps me alive, hope is what keeps me moving, love is what keeps me motivated
…
So I say to you, when hope is all you have left to hold onto…. Don’t let it go, because then you will be letting go of you!
Check out Saffiya's blog and follow her on Twitter
Follow Women24 on Twitter or like us on Facebook.
She is at a junction in her life, where she is trying to understand who she is, stay true to herself even though there is a lot happening and has happened.
She asked me how does one have hope when all you feel is lost.
The last 2 years have been very testing times for me.
There were times when I thought that I couldn’t go on, that there was nothing left of me to give, I felt like everything I had, everything I lived for meant nothing, that my life was pointless, that my existence on this earth was pointless …
Many times I felt like I couldn’t go on, why me? I would ask myself. I based my life on my work, I measured my success on my job, my materials possessions, what I wore, where I shopped etc.
When that got taken away I was at a loss. I was far away from loved ones, missing my pillar of strength, my mother, I just felt that the pain couldn’t get any worse.
Then there were darker days when people who I thought were my friends, were only there because of what I had, and when the material stuff disappeared, they did too.
I felt like I could simply slip away and the world wouldn’t miss me one bit. I was at the bottom and could not sink any lower.
I had dug a hole so deep, I had formed pit of negative emotions so deep that there was almost no escaping it ….
Being a deeply spiritual being, I had numerous conversations with my creator. Sometimes I felt not worthy of his guidance either, because everything, every action felt hopeless.
I also knew I had someone was depending on me, to be an example of hope and faith.
I told myself every day that hope isn’t just something that we hold onto, it is not just a word with little meaning, and hope knows that at the end of testing times, there is a ray of light.
We may not see it cos the darkness makes it look like a speck. But that light is there, I assure you.
This is when one has to dig deep, use your faith to pull yourself out of the dark pit you have dug.
The spirit within us never gives up, our minds might tell us otherwise, but our heart is relentless, it pumps us with a divine energy. It whispers to us, you can do this, you have to do this.
To me hope is courage, having hope is knowing that you are stronger than the pain, having hope is knowing that no matter what comes next you can go on, hope is not letting the world bring you down, hope is waking up each morning and saying “I am still here, I have a purpose”
To be honest, I didn’t think I had anything left inside of me, I didn’t think that I could go on, but I did. I did a 360 on myself, with faith as my weapon against negativity, faith gave me courage and courage gave me; my hope.
I sit here now, gazing into a face of hope, knowing that my courage and strength was worth it … I am exactly where I want to be, I chose the job I want on terms which suit me.
I am surrounded by people who love me still, who were there in those darkest moments, and did not need my credit card as a condition of friendship. New people entered my life mid last year; I now call them my family. Those who did not belong exited.
Today my troubles seem light, my fears subsided. When I look back at the time I thought that pain was so deep, I realize it just felt like that, it’s my faith which pulled me through, my faith was stronger, perhaps this is the reality of hope. I feel therefore I am.
We all come with our personal blueprint. Who we are, what we stand for, what makes us feel alive, our own set of fears and insecurities in life.
We need to know our blueprint; this helps us stay true to it. If we allow our jobs, the materialism of life cloud our blueprint then we start self destructing, we feel hopeless and question our faith.
When it is just you standing alone in the quiet of total solitude, what do I want for me, what makes me happy, who am I when every materialistic thing is taken away?
If that question leaves you scratching your head? You need to check yourself and take stock of who you are.
Life is about change and that means that our roles change along with it. If our whole identity is tied to a particular type of role and it changes, we feel lost.
Who we are as a person, on the deepest levels, our real identity is defined by our core beliefs, values, passions, motives, and expresses itself through our belief, our courage, and our personal power.
It is the connection with this inner aspect of self, our journey to the centre of yourself, that’s where hope resides.
If what you portray outwardly is not in sync with whom you are on the inside, then there is a missing connection.
What is it inside of us, is what holds onto hope?
Breathe in, breathe out. Day by day, moment by moment, leave the worries to The One who knows what to do with those worries. I will not fear, I will trust in The One who guides me.
Faith is what keeps me alive, hope is what keeps me moving, love is what keeps me motivated
…
So I say to you, when hope is all you have left to hold onto…. Don’t let it go, because then you will be letting go of you!
Check out Saffiya's blog and follow her on Twitter
Follow Women24 on Twitter or like us on Facebook.
