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Partners
Has someone hurt you, betrayed you, let you down, and dumped you at the bottom of the well with no rope? I am sure in your mind, your list has been put together already.
My "mindex" has this information stored alphabetically and date stamped as well.
In my own world, I’ve struggled with allowing people to really know me because for most of my life, it felt as though I was burned every time I did.
People say things they don’t mean or do things they can’t take back. Sometimes, we do things we can’t take back. We’re all afraid of something, how many relationships have been shattered by cruel words and actions?
There is beauty in relationships, life lessons, moments of joy, elation and yet it is also full of unknowns, hurts, regrets and sheer gut wrenching pain.
A relationship can have you swinging from the clouds, whistling down the hallway to being in utter turmoil, and sometimes curled up in a coital position licking your wounds and trying to figure out where to go from there.
Relationships have taken me from the clouds to the depths, whether it was a family tie or a serious relationship. We vow never to let ourselves be that vulnerable again.
In my case, the walls around my heart are quickly built up after heartbreak, somewhat like an unbreakable fortress. I think when we go through heartbreak from any relationship not only a romantic one, we become absolute wrecks inside.
We become apprehensive about the unknown so we tend to protect ourselves by not trusting the next person because of the previous person.
Life is complicated. It starts before we’re ready, it continues while we’re still trying to figure out the point of it. And it ends before we’ve worked out just what to do.
Bad things are always going to happen in life. People will hurt you, but you can’t use that as an excuse to hurt someone back. You’ll only end up hurting yourself.
I have come to the realisation that if I want to experience peace and happiness, then I must learn that others are being tested too. Ultimately we are all in the same boat.
We've all been hurt, and we're all trying to avoid that happening again. The way we try to avoid being hurt in relationships is by holding the other to ransom for others’ mistakes, we become defensive.
This morning I had a long discussion with a deep thinker, my mystic. I have been asking what my purpose is relating to a specific relationship. In this conversation, I realised that my purpose was much different to what I thought it was. What value did I bring to this relationship?
We get to the crossroads in our lives where we have to make the decisions, to let go of our old survival mechanisms in order to grow and make room for something better. When we're scared, we make mistakes, by mistakes I mean we hurt each other.
This conversation helped me realise that I was going about this relationship the wrong way. I need to approach it with compassion because the other party is already wigging out.
Instead of condemnation and defensiveness from my side, I need to be a leader.
I have to accept that my past is not my present. What hurt me as a person before, is not what is standing before me now, it might look so similar, and the relationship could have been twins.
Maybe this relationship is not only about me, it does involve another. Maybe it’s not only about me learning, it’s me helping the other person learn too.
Does this mean I won’t ever get hurt again? No
That’s a part of life and the chance I have to take. I will probably get let down in life and I may let someone else down, however at least I know that my efforts to help the other person won’t be in vain.
Imagine if we could go into the other person’s mind and learn what makes them tick, the world would be a completely different place and our relationships would definitely be filled with a lot more than just doubt and scepticism.
Today I found myself saying:
If I allow fear to take over, I will lose out on an opportunity to make an incredible deep and meaningful connection with someone.
I am about to open up my life in a way that it could never have happened in any other way. This realisation is more important than my painting, writing, anything I have taken on in life. I am about to add value and a purpose to this relationship.
A broken heart is an open heart. It is in the breaking that we allow light to enter revealing the truths in the passageways.
So I embrace my heart breaking over and over again, it’s only revealing new ways of being, of thinking, and of loving.
We get so caught up with our hurt, our betrayals and let-downs we fail to see that others have been there too, maybe not with you, but with another. If we can relate, we can overcome and build.
I say to you: "I understand that sometimes you're scared; I know that you've been hurt. I've been hurt too. But I want you to you that no matter what, you are going to be OK."
Relationships are one of the most complicated yet soothing things that our Creator has given us. Do we answer the call to do them justice, or do we just fight fate?
As Christine Mason Miller says: "At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end."
