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She became so fixated on her athletic ability as a figure skater that she wouldn’t eat anything unless she knew its exact calorie content.
Demi Alexia (20) says she lost more than 25kg in a year, became anorexic and wanted to die.
But after six months in hospital and another six months as an outpatient, Demi, who’s from Hampshire in England, has restarted her life.
“Recovering was probably one of the hardest choices I ever had to make,” she admits. “But I’m so happy I kept at it and didn’t relapse despite how easy it could have been to do so.”
Demi was in college when she became fixated on fitness. She became vegan and extended her training hours.
It wasn’t long before she refused to consume anything unless she knew its exact calorie value so she could burn it off in the same day. She also avoided fats, oils and carbs and would survive mainly on liquids, black coffee for breakfast, a sachet of soup for lunch and a dinner of either two eggs or sweet potato.
“For most of the time I felt nothing, I was numb, I had no energy. Walking up the stairs and getting out of bed was a chore,” she reveals. “The only time my mood fluctuated was when I was riddled with anxiety any time someone placed food in front of me. At this point in my life I wanted to die.”
Demi had always dreamed of being a professional figure skater but her obsession with staying in shape became dangerous.
“Sport was my life and I wanted to be the best at everything I did. Some called me a perfectionist. I fixated more and more on my athletic ability and fitness and I became vegan and started training harder and longer.”
She eventually lost so much weight she tipped the scales at just 38kg, dangerously low for someone who’s 1,79m tall.
Demi was put on antidepressants by a doctor, who referred her to an eating disorder service where she was an inpatient for six months.
“I was so reluctant to eat, to the point where I was fed through a tube,” Demi says of her time at the clinic. “I knew that either way – whether I refused or complied – I’d have to eat. As I gained weight and my cognitive function grew stronger, I knew I didn’t want to live like this anymore.”
She was later discharged and treated as an outpatient for another six months. She’s now a healthier 57kg and wears size eight clothing.
Even though she’s grateful her recovery has given her a new chance at life, putting on weight took some getting used to.
“At first I got a lot of, ‘You look so well’ and, ‘You’ve gained so much weight.’ At first I couldn’t stand hearing those phrases. It made me feel lazy and disgusting that I’d thrown away all that effort into losing weight in the first place.
“I now know they were never trying to insult me or cause offense. They were probably relieved, they wanted to make me feel proud of myself. There’s nothing wrong with looking well or gaining weight.”
Demi’s road to recovery hasn’t been smooth sailing. There have been times she’s hated her body.
“I’ve been in services [for help with my disorder] for three years.
“Only last week did I say my final goodbye to the team who took care of me all this time, especially my therapist. I’m so grateful and fortunate to live somewhere with such an amazing team of people.”
She now wants to encourage anyone with a life-threatening addiction or disorder to seek professional help immediately before it’s too late.
“You can be happy again, you just need to let go of the thing that’s trying to kill you. Your eating disorder isn’t your friend, it doesn’t provide safety or control.
“The only way to take control is to kill it before it kills you.”
SOURCE: MAGAZINE FEATURES
