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Our sex life is gone
My wife and I used to have a good sex-life before the coronavirus pandemic but it started slowly going downhill after lockdown started. She was obsessed with watching anything she could find connected to the pandemic. She listened to the radio, watched every bit of news on TV and could quote the Covid-19 statistics every day.
At night she’d tell me she doesn’t feel like sex because all she can think about is the people who are dying and those going hungry. Although I understand how she feels and also sympathise with those who are suffering, life must go on. All we can do is try to keep safe and help other people where we can.
We’ve now got to a point where our sex-life is nonexistent and my wife simply says she doesn’t feel like sex anymore. What can I do?
- Richard, email
Dr Louise’s advice
Your wife has fallen into the trap of becoming obsessed by the news and social media.
The problem with this is that if the news is watched constantly it tends to have the effect of making people feel quite despondent about the future and they can potentially become depressed to the extent that they’re unable to get on with their own lives.
It’s possible your wife is suffering from depression.
You need to convince her to consult with a psychologist who can determine whether she’s suffering from clinical depression and then treat her with therapy, perhaps in conjunction with a referral to a psychiatrist for treatment with medication as well.
One of the symptoms of clinical depression is the inhibition of sexual desire, and this can happen to someone who’s had no issues with sexual dysfunction previously.
I’ve had enough of the trauma
This has just been the most awful year of my life! During lockdown my father died and we had to bury him with almost nobody present. Then I lost my job because my employer could no longer keep his business going.
To top it all off, my wife also lost her job – for the same reason. Now we’re obviously struggling to put food on the table and I’ve had to take my beloved dog to an animal shelter because we simply don’t have money to feed her.
It feels as if I have no more tears left and no more hope. What can I do to try to salvage what is left of my pride and my life?
- Gerry, email
Dr Louise’s advice
This year has indeed been a trying time for many South Africans who are now just barely able to keep their head above water. Firstly, forget about pride – what’s happened isn’t your doing nor your wife’s, and the point is you now need urgent help. Your dog will be safe at the shelter until you can afford to feed her again.
There are many companies and private people who are helping those in need. I belong to a business organisation that sends food parcels to people and also regularly drops off provisions at shelters in our community.
You can seek assistance from various organisations – your own church, if you’re a churchgoer, or churches in your community. Many places of worship are going out of their way to assist people at the moment.
Some political parties also have crisis centres in various communities where food parcels are available. Phone their offices to find out if there’s such a centre in your area. You can also contact your local municipality to ask if there are organisations in the area that are providing help to people in need of urgent assistance.
You should also apply for UIF – your employer by law should’ve ensured you contributed to UIF.
Go to your local clinic or provincial hospital and ask to see a psychologist, which should be free of charge. You need to work through all the losses you’ve suffered this year – your father, your job, your independence, even your dog – as these have all taken a huge emotional toll on you and you need support to get through it.
I don’t want to go back to school
I’m in Grade 11 and I’m scared to go back to school when they’re opened again. I feel safe in my home doing online classes and assignments because I’m not among a whole lot of children who may be carrying the virus.
I no longer miss my friends and classmates and feel as if my old life is far removed from what’s happening now. I just want to stay where I am, safe at home. How can I convince my parents to let me stay at home?
- Amanda, email
Dr Louise’s advice
At some point we’re all going to have to take up our lives again and get back to some kind of normal. Perhaps you can negotiate with your parents to let you stay at home for the next few months, perhaps with the help of a tutor, until you have to go to school to write exams.
At present the statistics and trends suggest we’ll reach the peak of the pandemic in late August or early September. If this is correct you can feel better about going to write exams in October/November.
Your request will depend on whether your parents are willing to find and pay for a tutor. It will also depend on the tutor being willing to use the work provided by your teachers online. You’ll still have to do all assignments set by your teachers.
If you’re at home it may in fact help your teachers as they’ll have fewer children in their classes at school.
What’s important now is to think in terms of solving the problems we’re faced with instead of simply saying, “I won’t.”
Write to Dr Louise, PO Box 39410, Moreleta Park 0044, or email info@drlouise.co.za.
