Publications
Partners
In a ridiculously long streak of bad luck, my clothes were stolen. All of them. As I’m writing this, I am wearing my pregnant sister’s jeans and my husband's old t-shirt that says: "Jammer om van jou kak te hoor".
I think it’s pretty fitting really. Not that it actually fits, of course.
The worst part of this recent little demonstration of the universe’s complete and utter disregard for me isn’t actually losing all my earthly possessions. It’s the thought of having to REPLACE THEM ALL that terrifies me.
I hate shopping. Especially clothes shopping. In malls.
The cursed insurance is bound to pay out only a pittance and I am a very reluctant shopper. And despite what we’re told, I know many of you are too. Why else would every shopping centre have an almost tangible air of violent despair hanging over it like a bad smell?
I mean what type of masochist would derive pleasure from standing under fluorescent lighting in greying panties, trying to wriggle into a pair of jeans all the while being able to witness the tragic-comedy from every angle? Let’s face it – shopping is for the thin and those who are into shoes and handbags.
And have you SEEN what’s fashionable?
The other reason why I hate shopping is that I simply do not understand fashion. Seriously – I have absolutely no idea what to buy. I look around me and all I see are leggings, bubble skirts, harem pants, grandpa cardies and pumps. The 80s is back with a vengeance and biting everyone in the ass. Again! I would look like a bloody clown in what is considered fashionable these days.
Where are the clean lines? Where are the flattering colours? I cannot for the love of God or money imagine a Parisian woman stepping out for her daily espresso in mustard yellow high-waisted jeggings and pink pumps. Which is not to say I equate myself with Parisian women. I try, mind you, but I always end up buying long hippie dresses (I think they’re called maxis these days?) 3 expensive LBDs and quirky t-shirts. Oh and did I mention black? I wear a lot of black.
But I want to change!
Just for once in my life I would like to be vaguely stylish and I guess now is the best chance I’ll get. But I need help, lovely readers – I need YOUR help.
• What must I buy?
• What are the 5 items that every woman must have in her closet?
• Where must I shop?
• What should I avoid like the plague?
• Which items are surprisingly flattering?
• What types of shoes are versatile?
• Is there a handbag that goes with everything?
Help me. I beg of you.
I think it’s pretty fitting really. Not that it actually fits, of course.
The worst part of this recent little demonstration of the universe’s complete and utter disregard for me isn’t actually losing all my earthly possessions. It’s the thought of having to REPLACE THEM ALL that terrifies me.
I hate shopping. Especially clothes shopping. In malls.
The cursed insurance is bound to pay out only a pittance and I am a very reluctant shopper. And despite what we’re told, I know many of you are too. Why else would every shopping centre have an almost tangible air of violent despair hanging over it like a bad smell?
I mean what type of masochist would derive pleasure from standing under fluorescent lighting in greying panties, trying to wriggle into a pair of jeans all the while being able to witness the tragic-comedy from every angle? Let’s face it – shopping is for the thin and those who are into shoes and handbags.
And have you SEEN what’s fashionable?
The other reason why I hate shopping is that I simply do not understand fashion. Seriously – I have absolutely no idea what to buy. I look around me and all I see are leggings, bubble skirts, harem pants, grandpa cardies and pumps. The 80s is back with a vengeance and biting everyone in the ass. Again! I would look like a bloody clown in what is considered fashionable these days.
Where are the clean lines? Where are the flattering colours? I cannot for the love of God or money imagine a Parisian woman stepping out for her daily espresso in mustard yellow high-waisted jeggings and pink pumps. Which is not to say I equate myself with Parisian women. I try, mind you, but I always end up buying long hippie dresses (I think they’re called maxis these days?) 3 expensive LBDs and quirky t-shirts. Oh and did I mention black? I wear a lot of black.
But I want to change!
Just for once in my life I would like to be vaguely stylish and I guess now is the best chance I’ll get. But I need help, lovely readers – I need YOUR help.
• What must I buy?
• What are the 5 items that every woman must have in her closet?
• Where must I shop?
• What should I avoid like the plague?
• Which items are surprisingly flattering?
• What types of shoes are versatile?
• Is there a handbag that goes with everything?
Help me. I beg of you.
