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Partners
So there I was browsing News24 when I saw “Cheated: now she wants to save marriage“.
I read Ria’s tale of secret love, unfaithfulness, heartache and heartbreak. Nothing she did jumped out as being particularly underhanded as far as cheating goes. Cheating is never a pretty thing and we all know it, but the tongue-lashing this poor woman got from readers was disgusting.
But more shocking was the amount of people recounting their failed marriages and telling their stories about cheating or being cheated on. Yet…yet people still cling to marriage as if it is the Holy Grail of relationships.
As one of the readers who commented points out: Just another case in point that marriage is archaic and unnatural.
It’s true. We’re not supposed to marry, hell, we’re not even supposed to be monogamous. If marriage was the way to go then why is the divorce rate so high? Why do people cheat? Why do people live unhappy lives – trapped in a relationship they long ago grew tired of? Is a piece of paper really that important?
The social stigma that follows un-married couples is enough to make any person run to the nearest Magistrate’s office just to get it over with. That must change. Marriage isn’t the be all and end all of relationships anymore. Times are a-changin’ and it’s time to get with the programme, people.
Okay, I suspect I’m harping on this issue because someone stepped on my toes, which are particularly sensitive when it comes to saying yay or nay to the fairytale wedding.
I’ve been in a relationship for 12 years and we’re more committed to each other than most married people. After all, we’re not legally bound to stay together and can leave if we feel like it. But we don’t. We choose to stay together through the hard times and bloody hellish times and the wonderful, amazing, oh-my-god-you-rock-my-world times.
So, don’t anyone dare tell me our relationship isn’t valid or deep or that we’re scared of committing and that’s why we’re not married yet. Come talk to me about being scared of commitment after you’ve heard what we’ve been through.
People cheat for various reasons. If you change the relationship to something where cheating isn’t possible you stand a chance of saving it. More people are choosing open or polyamorous relationships.
People are curious. They will look elsewhere. They may not always act on it because they’re honest and respect the relationship they’re in…but…that doesn’t mean they’re not thinking about it. Variety is the spice of life as the saying goes.
When you try to limit a person they’re bound to get unhappy. It might, to some, happen sooner than later but it will happen. The question is, if you love someone why would you want them to be unhappy? Be honest with each other and yourself.
If you realise that your partner will find other people attractive and so will you, you can communicate openly about your wants and needs and make sure your relationship lasts.
People aren’t possessions. When you’re in a relationship you don’t own the other person. That’s what a marriage certificate seems to signify to some…a receipt. You now own each other. Let the power struggle start and with it the problems.
Listen to your partner and for once think of them and not just yourself.
Yes, making an open-relationship work is hard. It’s painful. It gets nasty. But let me tell you this, there’s nothing better than trusting that your life partner chooses to share his or her life with you, always, no matter who else is on the side.
Some might say it’s a risk but I say it’s a worthwhile one to take because I don’t want my partner feeling trapped or unhappy – which is often the case in long relationships.
Communication is key and so is honesty.
Miss_Muse is a Women24 reader and blogs on Women24's blogging platform. You can read more on her blog here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Do you think cheating is a sign that marriage is something that wasn't meant to be in the first place?
I read Ria’s tale of secret love, unfaithfulness, heartache and heartbreak. Nothing she did jumped out as being particularly underhanded as far as cheating goes. Cheating is never a pretty thing and we all know it, but the tongue-lashing this poor woman got from readers was disgusting.
But more shocking was the amount of people recounting their failed marriages and telling their stories about cheating or being cheated on. Yet…yet people still cling to marriage as if it is the Holy Grail of relationships.
As one of the readers who commented points out: Just another case in point that marriage is archaic and unnatural.
It’s true. We’re not supposed to marry, hell, we’re not even supposed to be monogamous. If marriage was the way to go then why is the divorce rate so high? Why do people cheat? Why do people live unhappy lives – trapped in a relationship they long ago grew tired of? Is a piece of paper really that important?
The social stigma that follows un-married couples is enough to make any person run to the nearest Magistrate’s office just to get it over with. That must change. Marriage isn’t the be all and end all of relationships anymore. Times are a-changin’ and it’s time to get with the programme, people.
Okay, I suspect I’m harping on this issue because someone stepped on my toes, which are particularly sensitive when it comes to saying yay or nay to the fairytale wedding.
I’ve been in a relationship for 12 years and we’re more committed to each other than most married people. After all, we’re not legally bound to stay together and can leave if we feel like it. But we don’t. We choose to stay together through the hard times and bloody hellish times and the wonderful, amazing, oh-my-god-you-rock-my-world times.
So, don’t anyone dare tell me our relationship isn’t valid or deep or that we’re scared of committing and that’s why we’re not married yet. Come talk to me about being scared of commitment after you’ve heard what we’ve been through.
People cheat for various reasons. If you change the relationship to something where cheating isn’t possible you stand a chance of saving it. More people are choosing open or polyamorous relationships.
People are curious. They will look elsewhere. They may not always act on it because they’re honest and respect the relationship they’re in…but…that doesn’t mean they’re not thinking about it. Variety is the spice of life as the saying goes.
When you try to limit a person they’re bound to get unhappy. It might, to some, happen sooner than later but it will happen. The question is, if you love someone why would you want them to be unhappy? Be honest with each other and yourself.
If you realise that your partner will find other people attractive and so will you, you can communicate openly about your wants and needs and make sure your relationship lasts.
People aren’t possessions. When you’re in a relationship you don’t own the other person. That’s what a marriage certificate seems to signify to some…a receipt. You now own each other. Let the power struggle start and with it the problems.
Listen to your partner and for once think of them and not just yourself.
Yes, making an open-relationship work is hard. It’s painful. It gets nasty. But let me tell you this, there’s nothing better than trusting that your life partner chooses to share his or her life with you, always, no matter who else is on the side.
Some might say it’s a risk but I say it’s a worthwhile one to take because I don’t want my partner feeling trapped or unhappy – which is often the case in long relationships.
Communication is key and so is honesty.
Miss_Muse is a Women24 reader and blogs on Women24's blogging platform. You can read more on her blog here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Do you think cheating is a sign that marriage is something that wasn't meant to be in the first place?
