The picture of a perfect family (well to some) is that a woman driving her German car, her husband in a Range Rover, kids in a private school, overseas holidays the best clothing labels and the right home address.

Weekends are about doing the nails, the hair, catching up on those kiddies birthday parties. 

During the week there is really no time to so much because the madam of the house is tired, she is climbing the corporate ladder, so the helper, nanny, domestic worker, aunty, (whatever way you refer to the lady who helps in the house) is the one running the household.

As in running the entire household, she is helping you.

They know the food your husband likes, his favourite shirt on a Monday, the kids even prefer her more than you, she knows how he likes his coffee while as the wife you are too busy to notice such small but important things about your house.

I have been hearing too many stories of domestic workers getting it down with the man of the house. Some do it because they are too scared to lose their jobs when the man makes advances on them and others do it because they want to show the lady of the house that they are just as capable and they want to put them in their place.

If the domestic worker is going to be running the household then how can you expect her not to take over and be the woman of the house? Why do we think that they are not women enough to take your man?

Women have complained that the domestic workers are too friendly with their husbands but unfriendly towards them. They become cheeky to them but when “ubaba or ubhuti” comes through the door they smile. Problem right there methinks.

One domestic went as far as offering to give ubhuti a massage because “inyawo zakhe bezibukeka zivuvukile”- his feet looked swollen. Can that not melt a man’s heart truly speaking? 

A certain domestic worker was tired of her boss lady ill-treating her and looking down on her, she seduced the husband and they had a relationship going on for quite a while.

She says that she wanted to show her that her degrees, nice car and nice clothes did not make her better than she was.

Bendifuna ukumbonisa ndimkhuphe ishori” – I wanted to show her. She wore short dresses when the man was alone with her in the house and was extra nice to him ensuring that he was happy and once he made and move she joined in.

Of course you can imagine the devastation when the wife found out, of all people.

I have always told my friend that a domestic worker is a complete woman. Let’s not look at her education and even race and think that she cannot be the other woman in your husband’s life.

You leave the house maybe travel with work; yes you are leaving your husband with another woman who most probably knows your house more than you do because you are such a busy career woman.

My previous helper told me that her white boss used to make advances on her. He would walk naked in the house while she was busy with her chores and she eventually left as she could no longer take the harassment and saw no need to tell his wife as she felt she would not believe her. 

I am not advocating that we should start suspecting domestic workers around the house but marriages are breaking because domestic workers are taking over.

Being extra nice does not guarantee that you are safe but with being horrible to her and ill-treating her might just be pushing her and you might tick her off.

What can one do, I wish I knew.

Gone are the days where a domestic worker was an old lady who did not look after herself they come young and tender. Let’s go back to basic though and respect each other.

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