It's the year 2017 and the other woman is still the main focus when we speak about affairs.

Hatred, aggression, disdain and slut-shaming abound when it comes to women who are involved with men "who are spoken for". But why? Why are we throwing stones at the woman the cheater was with and not at the man who cheated?

This past weekend we were at our second bar of the night for a mutual friend’s birthday party. As usual, my friends decided to ditch me to chat up some foreign guys on the balcony.

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So I ended speaking to some random girl at the bar who had apparently been gulping cocktails since 2pm. 

The conversation was like sitting through Suicide Squad – tough and seemingly never-ending! I learnt that she was 21 and had a 1 year-old daughter.

And since it’s apparently not polite to not want to see pictures of someone’s bundle of joy, I sat through scroll after scroll of snaps trying not to seem annoyed.

Then I noticed the little baba had some familiar features. Mmm, I thought...

I asked about the baby daddy. She giggled and pointed to a guy I had been cozy with several times. 

"If I had slept with him I would have wrecked a home and I would be the whore that would make girls hold onto their men just a tad tighter."

Well, I sobered up quicker than the time my parents decided to fetch me early from an underage party and my inner Joseph Pistone surfaced. I tried my best to continue the conversation strategically in order to get the correct timeline. 

Turns out the bubbly woman was not just a girl throwing herself at the guy I was seeing on and off. She was the baby mama to a child I didn’t know he had – and, yes it gets juicier - they freaking LIVE together!

That shady piece of chewed up gum never mentioned his white picket fence setup.

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If I had slept with him I could have wrecked a home. I would have been the whore that made other girls hold onto their men just a tad tighter.

I was furious. But my anger was not just at him, but also towards my girls who knew about this and still tried to set us up!

So I’ll ask again: who is the home-wrecker? 

" It’s one thing to peruse an involved man, but it’s another if his 21-year-old baby mama is not on his lips when he’s putting on the charm. "

I’ve been an accidental home-wrecker before. Men assumed I was okay being a weekend special because of the way I looked, talked and flirted. It’s all fun and games, but when shit hits the infidelity fan I suddenly became the bad guy that seduced Mr Innocent who neglected to mention his relationship status. 

There is even a website dedicated to shaming women who decided to be freaks with committed men. The website contains names, surnames, addresses; basically all the information needed to apply for an ID; all in the name of exposing said home-wrecker.

Where is the website that shames the men who know exactly what they're doing when they lie about their status and seek out unsuspecting victims to cheat on with their partners? 

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