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- Cheating does a lot of damage to a relationship.
- Marriage therapist Bakhe Dlamini says being cheated on is painful.
- In his experience and consultations with couples, he has found that the reasons for for cheating differ among women and men.
Cheating does a lot of damage to a relationship. Some couples can survive the wrath that comes with infidelity, but others simply can't move past it. Marriage therapist Bakhe Dlamini says being cheated on is painful.
He says those tempted to cut corners because they want to excuse their behaviour by giving cheating a tailored definition should know that flirting is also cheating.
"Any chat or talk [with a third party] which has a bit of romantic feelings is wrong. A lot of cheating starts with flirting, and it happens on phones," he says.
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So why do people cheat when they know the hurt it causes?
In his experience and consultations with couples, Dlamini has found that the reasons for women and men differ.
"For men, often it's out of lust. Men will always seek novel sexual experiences. It takes a disciplined man to be loyal. For women, it's often out of loneliness," he says.
"I rarely have a case of a woman (wife) who has cheated. If it's happened, she'll say, 'I was lonely, he never gave me attention, then this guy came, gave me the attention I needed, then I gave in'."
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If you cheat on your partner, here's what cheating does:
- It destroys the partner's self-esteem, and they start to doubt themselves.
- It depletes trust. The partner loses trust and becomes ever suspicious.
- It leaves the partner with a lot of questions. They ask themselves, "What really happened?" "How did it happen?" "Where did the cheating happen?" "Why did it happen?"
- Cheating can lead to a partner incurring STIs or pregnancies if the cheater uses no protection.
- It brings pain to one's partner—some people who are cheated on go into depression.
- It can end your relationship or marriage.
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Before you think about cheating, he says to consider the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
"You wouldn't want to be cheated on, so don't cheat on your partner. Also, consider that cheating will deeply hurt your partner. Love is a verb that has to be backed by actions. You wouldn't hurt someone you love," he adds.
