- A conversation about marriage can be sensitive to have with your partner but it is important.
- Clinical psychologist gives us five tips on how to start the conversation.
- Timing, preparation and following up are some of the important things to consider before starting the conversation.
"A lady shouldn't be shy about what she needs," says clinical psychologist and author of Love Adventure, Thabang Tlaka.
Thabang believes that if a woman realises that she is ready for marriage and her partner has not shown any intentions of proposing then they should raise the topic. This will indicate to their partner that marriage is important to her and bring clarity on whether they have the same intentions.
However, Thabang highlights that this means you missed a step at the beginning of the relationship because you had to discuss the purpose of the relationship from the get-go.
"If it gets to a point where you have to have that kind of conversation with your partner it means that at the beginning of the relationship you guys did not talk about what the purpose, what the point, what the direction of the relationship is."
But don't worry, it is never too late to discuss the future of your relationship. Here are some expert tips on how you can start the conversation about marriage:
1. Pick a suitable time
"It's not a topic you just spring up on somebody," says Thabang. He adds that you should pick a time when both of you are comfortable and able to converse constructively.
2. Prepare your partner
Once you have decided on a time then you should let your partner know.
"There is something important that I would like to talk to you about," is the ideal way to tell your partner that you would like to discuss something with them and suggest the appropriate time that you have come up with. This will allow your partner to be ready and comfortable to have the conversation.
3. Speak from your heart
Let your partner know how you genuinely feel and do not be afraid to say what's on your heart and mind. If you do not know where to start, Thabang says you can consider approaching the conversation like this: "I think I'm ready to get married or to consider marriage. I just wanted to find out where you [stand]."
4. Follow up
After raising the topic your partner should have an idea whether they would like to get married or not so keep on following up with them to see where they stand.
5. Do not convince your partner
"You never want to convince your partner. You want somebody to collaborate with." "If you convince them for the first time that's what you'll have to do for the rest of your relationship," says Thabang.
He advises that you should state your opinion and position and find out whether your partner feels the same way without trying to convince them to agree with you.
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"You might also realise that the thing you want, your partner doesn't want [it] and you have to make a very hard decision about how long you are willing to wait," says Thabang, reiterating that marriage should be a mutual decision and should not be coerced on the next person.
"Relationships don't work because we have feelings for each other. They primarily work because we agree on the important things."
Thabang concludes by highlighting that women can take the huge step and propose. However, it depends on the type of partner they have. Some men are old-fashioned and might find a proposal from their partners offensive. But if you have a modern partner who keeps up with the times then you can surely pop the question.
