HE WANTS NUDE PICS

Question

I’m 19 and dating a guy who is 27, whom I love dearly. Lately, he’s been asking me to send him nude pictures of myself because I told him I’m not ready for sex since I’m a virgin.

What should I do because he demands pictures and claims they would make him feel better since we’re not sleeping together?

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Answer

It’s good you have not allowed yourself to be forced into doing something you are not ready for. At your age, you should be concentrating on your studies and what you want to do in the future. You should also be mindful of the age gap between you and your boyfriend.

Don’t find yourself doing uncomfortable things you might regret just to please or keep him. Think of what would happen if you part ways with him and he happens to have in his possession your nude pictures or decides to post them online.

There are many stories where this has happened and this could affect your chances to get employed one day. Be careful and think this through, and then let him know you are not comfortable with his demands and he should respect your wishes.

If he insists, then you need to rethink this relationship.

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I’M NOT READY

Question

FOR A BABY

I’m a 22-year-old woman and my boyfriend wants a baby while I want to study. I don’t know what to do because I love him and don’t want to lose him.

Also, he does not want to get married at the moment because he says he doesn’t have money and that we’ll marry sometime in the future.

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Answer

He can’t marry you because he does not have money, so where is he going to get money to help you raise the child? Babies are a blessing – but a very expensive blessing at that!

You cannot be pressurised into having a baby when you are not ready financially or psychologically. If you want to pursue your studies then do just that, this is your life after all.

If your boyfriend loves you, he’ll support your decision. But having his baby is no guarantee he’ll always stick around.

READ MORE: "He is with me but is paying lobola for his baby mama"

MY STATUS PUTS THEM OFF

Question

I was infected with HIV by the father of my child in 2010 after I found out he was married, and I broke up with him.

Now, when I meet guys and tell them my status they just vanish. What should I do?

READ MORE: "My ex gave me HIV – what do I do now?"

Answer

Your bravery and honesty is commendable, and those guys should have respected you for your courage. You are doing the right thing by sharing your status, but perhaps you need a technique of how to gently break the news to your potential partner so you do not end up scaring them away.

Some people run away due to lack of knowledge, and proper information sharing is essential. Contact Lifeline’s Aids Helpline on 0800-012-322 to get information about disclosure techniques.

Please do not despair, the right guy will come along and love you the way you deserve to be loved.

READ MORE: "I’m 22 years old and discovered I’m HIV-positive"

MY MAN WANTS A BREAK

Question

I’m dating a 22-year-old guy. I lied to him about my past and he found out.

Now he’s told me we must take a break for six months and call each once every two months. Should I move on with my life?

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Answer

You did not indicate whether you discussed and agreed on the conditions of the six-month break. And why would you still call each other once every two months?

You need to look into this break and determine: Is there hope you will ever get back together or are you just crying over spilt milk? What happened with him should be a lesson for you in the future.

Honesty is the best policy!

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HE’S NOT INTO FOREPLAY

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for five months and when we have sex, our foreplay doesn’t last long enough because once he is erect he wants to penetrate me.

I’m not ready so this makes sex a little painful when we start. I’ve tried talking to him but nothing has changed. Please help.

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Answer

There is nothing that beats pillow talk when you need to get your point across to your partner. Try and talk to your partner when both of you are relaxed and there is nothing sexual going on.

Your approach should not be judgmental or accusatory as this will damage his ego. First tell him how you enjoy making love with him and then tell him of your preference for longer foreplay and explain your reasons. If all else fails, I suggest you both seek the assistance of a sex therapist for proper techniques and guidance.

You can find some useful information from a sex coach by visiting your nearest clinic and enquiring about therapists in the area.

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