I’m single, in my late 20s and I’m outchea looking for a tall drink of water to satisfy my thirst. ‘Cause I’m thirsty AF and I need more than water to quench it.
Now you might be surprised by my willingness to express this notion or my readiness to share it but I’m totally not fazed and personally I think a lot of people need to get over the ‘surprise’ of women asserting themselves sexually.
This column was inspired by this one on Refinery29 which discusses this type of thirst but focuses more on someone avidly looking for a partner or dating.
I on the other hand am not necessarily in search of a partner.
Don’t get me wrong, being with another human being in a fun, committed relationship is nice especially when you’re both looking for the same things, have similar interests and do nice things for each other.
But there are also the obvious headaches that come with being in a couple and these are the ones that I’m trying to avoid.
I’m not expecting to find a relationship that fulfils me in that way.
I like talking to people but I especially enjoy flirting with men (I’m a cishet female, btw) even if nothing happens between us because it’s fun.
And would always prefer for this flirtatious conversation to go a bit further.
If I could my ‘dates’ would always go like this: Having a date or meet up end in some mutual playtime of the naughty kind. Thirst. Quenched.
This is all with no strings attached, no feelings being hurt and no tears being spilled. Easy come, easy go.
I’m a self-identifying hoe and I like it that way.
And no, this isn’t a bad thing. I’ve learnt to take my sexuality and sexual agency and own it because it is mine.
We need to get over this notion that we’re not supposed to talk about sex as if it’s separate from love.
We need to stop thinking that people (especially women) aren’t allowed to engage in sex just for the sake of its enjoyment.
There is too much unnecessary guilt. We need to stop shaming each other for hoeing as much as we can own our sexual decisions.
Being free of the notion that sex requires love is very liberating. Why can’t I see what’s out there and sample some of the dish without committing to the full meal?
And one day when I do decide that I want to get involved with someone, I will not allow any shaming of my past because #HoeIsLife is not just a hashtag, it’s a way of life that should not be shamed.
As long as the people you’re seeing know you’re not going to be catching feelings and it works for both (or multiple, if you go that way) parties, then what is the problem?
Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
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