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- From new couples to long-term couples, talking about sexual desires can be challenging.
- Dr Vivian Coles says this may be because some people fear rejection and judgement.
- When initiating the conversation, it's important to lead with a solution.
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If you express what you want, you will feel more fulfilled, and that is the case everywhere, including in the bedroom. Unlocking fulfilling relationships often involves overcoming the challenge of expressing desire and needs, even with a long-term partner. If your sexual desires are not communicated, it may create resentment within the relationship.
The simple reason is that intimacy plays an important role in a partnership, as in many other areas of the relationship, so it is important to know how to communicate your sexual needs.
READ MORE | Dirty talk can enhance intimacy, but 'if done right' sex expert says
Dr Vivian Coles, an intimacy expert, offers guidance on initiating these conversations with care and confidence. This isn't a problem for couples who have been in long-term relationships only; new couples often experience the same thing, she says. "Most couples have trouble with sharing what they want and need, and there is always a way to communicate, and you don't need to suffer in silence." She continues to add that the struggle to communicate your sexual needs comes from fear of rejection or judgement.
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"We're not robots, our bodies cannot be relied upon to work the exact same way you want or even from experience, so it's important to share as the owners and experts of our bodies what works and what doesn't." She adds that although it is awkward to express your sexual desires, you do need to figure out what works for you first and then share that with your partner confidently. "Ask your partner if they want to try something new to help fulfil your sexual desires, and most likely, you'll receive a yes."
READ MORE | Worried that your partner's sex drive doesn't match yours? An expert weighs in on compatible libido
She added that if your partner disagrees, it is most likely because they don't have the confidence that they'll be able to help. "When that happens, seek professional help from a certified sexologist." It's important to lead with a solution, as you'll find that your partner may need more than a conversation, she says. "Other people find it hard to talk about health issues. Others require medications. There are also some accessories that can be incorporated in the bedroom, lubricants to enhance sexual pleasure."
