- There's no shame in taking pleasure into your own hands. The average South African woman masturbates eight times a month.
- Orgasms help relieve pain and are great for heart health.
- Toys like vibrating bullets and g-spot vibrators are discreet toys you can invest in for your pleasure.
There really is no need to be shy about masturbation. While not everyone likes to talk about this sexual act, it doesn’t mean millions of people aren’t doing it regularly.
In fact, the average South African woman masturbates eight times a month (that’s 96 times a year!). Getting to know the touches and techniques that turn you on (or off), with the help of a sex toy, can improve body confidence, help relieve stress – and most importantly, it’s fun. Here’s all you need to know.
Pick your toy
Choices seem endless? Not sure where to start? Buying in-store means you’re more likely to be able to hold the toy first, and you can ask advice from the people working there. But if you feel you might be too embarrassed, then it’s easier to go online – just be sure to check user reviews on the product first.
Companies such as Luv Land, Dr Eve Store and Passionfruit promise to send their toys in discreet packaging. Do watch out if you buy from less-specialist sellers who tend to treat all packages in the same way, and may inadvertently include a description on the outside.
Getting started
First time using a toy? Once your vibrator is out of the packaging, start slowly – this is especially important if you are particularly sensitive down there. And, if you don’t like surprises, use the vibrator on your hand or arm to get to know the vibes you can expect.
“Stroke it over external pleasure points to see what feels most enjoyable,” recommends sex expert Annabelle Knight. “Work your way up to the most powerful setting to see which one best works for you.”
Just add lube
If your new adult toy comes with a sachet of lube, then it’s worth making the most of it.
“No matter which type of vibrator you have, it’ll feel 100 times better with a good-quality lubricant,” says sex expert Jess Wilde.
“A water-based one will be compatible with all sex-toy materials. Many are also specially formulated – this means they don’t disturb the delicate pH balance of the vagina.”
READ MORE | Use some lube and 4 other ways to spice up the missionary position
Watch out for water
Only have me time when you’re in the bath or shower? Check that your vibrator can be submerged first. If not, you could damage it beyond repair and may do more harm than good in the process.
“There are tons of waterproof vibrators out there,” says Annabelle. But it’s worth noting that some vibrators may make more noise when submerged.
Keep it clean
Making sure you clean your vibrator properly can prolong its life, and it’s also essential for good hygiene. So…
Give it a quick rinse and then spray it with a sex-toy cleaner. Leave it for 30 seconds or so, and then clean any stubborn areas (such as ridges or nodules) before rinsing all the cleaner off with warm water. Make sure you dry your toy thoroughly.
“Speed up the process by drying with a clean towel,” adds Annabelle.
Oh yes, yes, YES – it does more than just feel good!
- It’s like hitting the gym: “Thirty minutes of sexual activity could burn more calories than walking on a treadmill or 40 minutes of yoga,” says GP, Dr Louise Newson, founder of Newson Health Menopause and Well-being Centre.
- Protect your bones: Menopausal women who had an orgasm every week had oestrogen levels twice as high as those who didn’t, found researchers in the U.S. Oestrogen helps protect bones, and a lack of it can lead to osteoporosis.
- Great for heart health: Research in Israel found that women who had two orgasms per week were 30% less likely to have heart disease, due to the endorphins released, which neutralise stress hormones.
- Relieves pain: “During arousal, endorphins are released, which can soothe nerve impulses to the brain that cause joint pain or migraines,” says Dr Louise.
- Helps you sleep: “Masturbation can also help you sleep, as tension-busting hormones are released during orgasm,” adds Dr Louise.
READ MORE | Be clit-literate - 4 tips to unlock your full orgasmic potential from head to toe
What’s your buzz?
Whatever the type of sensation you’re after, there’s an electronic device for you.
1. Bullets
These are smaller and thinner vibrators designed for clitoral stimulation and external erogenous zones. “They are the most popular choice for a first toy,” says Annabelle.
2. G-spot vibrators
Phallic in shape, these have a smooth shaft and curved tip to hit your sweet spot. They can be on the large side, so may be a bit noisy.
3. Rabbits
Rabbits have a similar girth to a standard G-spot vibrator, but come with vibrating “rabbit” ears to target your clitoris at the same time.
4. Body wand vibrators
“These giant vibrators were originally designed to relieve back and neck pain, but they make incredible clitoral stimulators,” adds Annabelle.
5. Clitoral suction vibrators
They look like something a doctor might look inside your ear with! When turned on, a “suck and blow” motion creates airwaves that really target the clitoris.
