- Different people feel differently about their body weight, no matter their size.
- A personal trainer shares weight gain or loss can take a strain on your mental health.
- A psychologist says weight insecurities can also stem from underlying childhood traumas.
Have you ever been in an awkward conversation where you commented on someone’s weight and received an unexpected aggressive response? Or have you ever been triggered by someone commenting on your own weight?
Weight is a sensitive topic to many people and some find it challenging to hear remarks about their weight gain or loss.
Personal trainer and Pilates instructor Nasira Bhamjee explains that conversations about weight can be quite sensitive and that people should be cautious about how they comment on someone else’s weight.
How personal relationships contribute to weight insecurities
“I think the biggest takeaway from your weight loss or gain journey is in fact your mental health,” she says, highlighting that weight changes can lead to severe mental health issues such as body dysmorphic disorder. “So just the impact of the way you think your body looks makes the biggest effect on your mind.”
Clinical psychologist Dr Precious Sedumedi concurs. "That is why you need to first understand the individual from a personal construct theoretical perspective or whatever theoretical perspective you are working from as a psychologist."
She adds that most people who are insecure about their weight have underlying self-esteem issues. If an individual was sexually harassed, bullied or experienced abuse then that can lead to a low self-esteem and a negative self-perception can contribute to this.
At times it is what we experienced in our upbringing that can lead to a low self-esteem. If a parent, or close family member frequently used words such as "sdudla," we end up internalising those words and they affect the way we view ourselves.
"Although maybe your parents or your grandmother is not intending on hurting you but the minute you internalise these messages than they become very painful," Dr Precious explains, adding how what we hear from loved ones can influence our self perception.
Comparison is another factor that affects an individual's self-esteem and how they view themselves. If you grew up with siblings or peers who were constantly complimented on their looks and you were not then you will start comparing yourself to them and envy their looks that are always admired.
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Dr Precious highlighted that the way our romantic partners behave can also have an impact on our self-esteem. If you have a verbally abusive partner who constantly critiques your weight then that can increase your insecurities. Or if you are an oversensitive partner then that can lead to further insecurities caused unintentionally.
She makes an example of walking in the mall and your partner looks at someone else. If you are oversensitive, you will start to compare yourself to that person and question what traits do they have that you do not have.
How to navigate weight topics
Nasira says the best way to conversate with someone about their weight change is if that person initiates the conversation.
“I just wait until someone brings it up with me before I bring it up with them. So, I won’t just offer advice unless it’s been solicited from me.”
But even if someone had initiated the conversation about their weight you should be careful of the types of words you use when commenting. She says we should avoid the word “fat” and any other nicknames that denote the word fat such as “chubby,” or “little fatty.” These words are a no-go-area when commenting about someone’s appearance.
Nasira adds that some people experience weight changes because of certain eating disorders or nutritional problems. So, you should also be careful not to trigger the traumas associated with their disorders and should avoid words like “diet”, or “calorie deficit.”
How to navigate weight insecurities
For people who are feeling insecure about their weight, Nasira advises that they should consider hitting the gym or doing some sort of physical training.
“I think the best thing that anyone can do for their self-esteem is to get into a situation where you are actually training. Once you are in an environment where you are pushing your body to do things that are amazing, the best thing about that is that you start to love your body for what it can do and stop hating it for what it isn’t,” Nasira says, adding how physical exercise is scientifically proven to improve self-esteem.
“We’ve had studies in fact done on people who work out and train and how it impacts their lives in every way. In the business sense, in the academic sense, in their work life, in their personal life.”
However, Dr Precious warns that insecurities about weight can lead to an obsession of losing or gaining weight. People end up over-exercising, taking intense diets or weight loss or gain medication. She describes this as "compulsive destructive behaviour."
Furthermore, when people embark on these intense weight loss or gain journeys and do not receive the desired results, it deteriorates their self-confidence even further and leads to self-criticism.
