SHE BETRAYED ME
Question
I’m a lesbian and met a beautiful girl in 2014. We fell in love and everything was great. Then she suddenly became ill and had to be rushed to hospital where we discovered she was pregnant.
I knew she was bisexual and she became pregnant while she was not with me. She decided to have an abortion and I paid for it. After that we moved in together and were happy until I met a guy, befriended him and introduced him to my girlfriend.
One night we were drinking with friends when my girlfriend and this guy left the party to have sex at the apartment – and I caught them. I was so angry and we fought a lot afterwards.
Then, last year, she broke up with me but we still live together. She’s now dating that guy. What should I do?
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Answer
It is not clear why you have decided to continue living together even though you are no longer in a relationship. Your starting point here would be for you to make a decision regarding your living arrangements.
How does living with her, knowing that she is in a relationship with a guy who used to be your friend, affect you?
Is there anything in particular that you are benefiting from by having her around? Both of them have shown you their true colours and they cannot be trusted.
Why do you feel you have to subject yourself to having them in your life?
Their presence is a constant reminder of their betrayal. You don’t need such people in your life. Take a stand and ask her to move out.
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IS SHE CHEATING?
Question
I am a married man in my 30s with three kids. When I met my wife, I was open about my life and where I live.
The problem is that when I asked her about who she’d dated around our area, she didn’t want to tell me.
I think she might still be seeing those people which is why she doesn’t want to tell me. Every time I ask her about it she threatens to leave me, saying it’s the past. Am I wrong to want to know or what?
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Answer
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know about your wife’s past loves. If the relationships are in the past, then why is she not willing to tell you about them?
She is acting as if she has something major to hide and making you suspicious.
I suggest you seek help from a marriage counsellor to get some answers before this ruins your marriage. Call Famsa on 011-975-7106 to find a centre near you.
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HE HATES CONDOMS
Question
I’m 18 and dating a guy who’s 21. We’ve been together for three years.
He enjoys having sex without a condom and I’m not on birth control. What should I do?
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Answer
Does this mean you’ve been sleeping with him without protection for three years? You must be a really lucky girl because you have not become pregnant yet.
This is your body and your life and you have to make decisions that suit you and have your best interests at heart.
Using condoms will not only ensure that you don’t fall pregnant but it will safeguard you from contracting any STIs or HIV/Aids.
Stand your ground – no glove, no love! For more information on other contraceptive methods and HIV/Aids testing, call Marie Stopes SA on 0800-117-785.
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AFRAID TO DISCLOSE MY STATUS
Question
I’m a 28-year-old mother of two. I once tested positive for HIV, but I never had the guts to discuss it with anyone, including my boyfriend. I’m afraid I might lose everyone close.
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Answer
Telling your loved ones after testing positive for HIV is a mammoth task. You need to be ready emotionally and mentally for how everyone might react.
But putting off telling them only makes it harder. It is better if you do it now rather than later so you can get their support.
I suggest you visit your nearest clinic or call LifeLine’s Aids helpline on 0800-012- 322 for guidance on how to disclose your status to your loved ones.
I wish you all the best with everything.
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MY MAN HAS SIDE CHICKS
Question
I met a guy who has two kids and I have one. He always says he loves me and he even introduced me to his family.
But there are girls who WhatsApp him and call him. I don’t trust him, but I still love him.
What can I do because he loves me too?
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Answer
If he loves you as much as you love him, then he should be willing to stop what he is doing and reassure you of his love.
You need to make him understand how his actions make you feel and the impact it has on your relationship.
He has to earn your trust. If these are the baby mamas calling and texting, then he has to come clean and tell you so both of you can set contact rules for them.
Love is fragile and without trust it is doomed.
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